Battle of the Toons
by Spartan of Chaos
Summary: A new season is coming, and the Total Drama campers are going to meet each other once again. But things change as a mysterious new producer buys out the show and over thirty Newbies join them in an adventure around the world.
1. New Management

_**AN: This is more or less an overhaul of the previous version of my story. By no way is this canon to my other Total Drama story. That being said, I hope you enjoy.**_

* * *

Chris and Chef walked into the producer's office, again. Chris was more than nervous, or more accurately, fucking terrified of what the producer may tell him. After all, what could he have done wrong? The ratings were excellent and there was no way the producer wanted to tell him something that could possibly result in him being fired. Anything but that. Chris touched the knob and pulled it around, making a squeaky sound as the door opened. There it was, sitting in his seat, the unbiased, fair, kindhearted (obviously sarcasm) producer who scared the utter crap out of the Chris. This time, he looked like he was going to pop a vein, which meant that something was definitely off. Chris feared that he may lose his job, it was sin against nature! He'd rather die in a painful manner than losing the job that gives him privileges. Chef, however, couldn't care less. After all the hard he did for two seasons, he still didn't get his paycheck because of Chris's selfish, cheapstake tendencies.

They both took a seat and listened as the producer ranted.

"Mclean, I wanted you to make these teenagers hate each other. Not making Duncan and Courtney break up in the finale. They were our cash cow and now, because of you, the ratings are plummeting. Can't you do anything right?"

"But sir" Chris nervously stammered "It's not my fault, and I'm sick of that whiny little brat trying to sue the show!"

"May I remind you that she sued the show because YOU refused to let her participate!" he snapped "Her lawsuits cost us a whole lot of money. And we received s a lot of fan complaints about how their favourites, including Cody, Ezekiel, and Noah, weren't in the season at all! We would've become richer if you only let the others participate, but no! You chose to ignore my orders!" he screamed, pounding his desk with a fist, which made his lamp fall over the ground and break. Chris and Chef stepped away from the producer.

"You're the host, Mclean. I want you to make the teenagers be at each other's throats, because them being nice is boring! I want a new season and make even more money, or else you're fired!" **  
**

"Actually, I have a better proposition."

All three of them heard a deep raspy voice that none of them has ever heard of before. It was even deeper than Chef's. The host, the cook and the producer turned their heads to the opened door, and saw a tall, shadowy figure, probably the owner of that voice.

"Who the hell are you?" the producer demanded. The figure stepped out of the light to reveal himself. He was a tall man in his fifties, he carried a walking stick, and wore a dark blue greatcoat and had long brown hair, two small ears and had a brownish-orange skin color, a long face similar to a reptile's, and a above average physique. But the most striking feature of his were those exotic reptilian eyes, which had red pupils, which would resemble some sort of demon.

"My name is not important right now," the man introduced himself in a deep, yet suave voice, "But I am the new co-host according to the prescription your network sent."

"Prescription?" Chris asked dumbfounded, then it dawned to him, he fearfully turned to the producer "You're not intending to fire me, are you?"

"I am, if you don't find an idea for the new season, Mclean" he responded uncaringly.

"Actually sir, my idea is more of a plan," The mystery man said as he pulled some profiles and placed a set of sheets on the desk. "Well, there's this huge plane that opens up from the belly you see, and we can call it 'The Drop of Shame!'"

"What?" Chris asked indignant "That's MY idea, you thief!"

"Is it, Mclean?" the tall man asked rhetorically "Or just as long as our unbiased, fair, kindhearted producer believes you're still useful?"

That made Chris feel uncomfortable. The man smirked as he presented the papers "You see sir, my idea for the new season is a journey around the world, and the cast members will visit every possible location on the planet"

"But that costs a lot of money, and I hate spending money" he rebutted.

"Worry not, my company, MWF Industries will provide the extra services and conditions for the campers as soon as their teams are declared the winner. And this season and the previous one, the teams will be assorted according to their strengths, weaknesses, personality, etc."

"Okay, I'm liking it."

"But under one condition: this season will be played under my rules, we will send the campers a new contract that prevents them any chance of finding a loophole that would give them the chance to escape the show, like the old contract had."

"And?"

"The best part is that it will be a musical, so that the teenage population of the viewers can watch our show non stop. All of that will be possible if, you make me the new Chairman of the Board of Directors that own Total Drama."

That last part did it for Chris.

"WWWWHHAAAAAAAATT! You as the new Chairman? No way old man!"

"Ha! If it gets us more drama and ratings, I'm all for it Mclean" the producer scoffed. "Now, what else do you have to offer, Mister-?"

"Oh please sir, just call me Eminence. Everyone does"

"Okay Eminence, what other thing do you have in this plan of yours?"

"This" he reclaimed as he pulled a profile out of the blue and placed on the producer's desk "This profile belongs to a young man who promises will bring the drama in 'Total Drama'." He said while opening the file. The producer snatched it and read it. The more he read, the more intrigued he looked.

"I don't know what to say Eminence, but are you sure this kid will bring us the ratings?"

"But of course. He is a master manipulator and is capable of twisting delicate situations to his favor, like me. I assure you sir, this is the answer to all your problems. Not to mention that they will be joined by over thirty other new recruits that will take the drama off the roof."

"We have a deal," the producer immediately agreed as he shook his hand with Eminence. Chris, on the other hand, looked like he was about to collapse.

* * *

 _ **6 months later...**_

"Remind me why we are doing this?" A male boy said as he sat in the back seat of the car with two other kids. He had poofy black hair, bluish-green eyes, and sunshade skin. He also had bags under his eyes. He wore a contrasting blue hoodie with a yellow T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and white and red shoes with black laces.

"Because Max," The man who had is hands on the wheel said, "I got these tickets cheap, and I felt it'd be such a waste if we didn't take advantage of this golden opportunity to go out and ." The man had a a long-sleeved, dark green T-shirt with a pine tree on it, rolled-up sleeves, and olive green shorts, as well as white socks, brown shoes, and a yellow t-shirt tied around his neck and a brown vest.

"Well then, tell me this David," Max stated, "Why did we have to take my car all the way to Toronto?!"

"That's because," a girl of a relatively short stature. She wore a mustard yellow shirt and red overalls rolled up to her knees. Her hair was turquoise with matching laced shoes. Her eyes were an unusual bright pink. She had two white band-aids on her left cheek and scratches on her right cheek, said from the back seat, "David's the only one who has a car."

"Fine," Max growled as David turned the wheel yet again in order to try to get through the traffic, "how are you holding up Neil?"

The final member of the four, another boy, had chestnut-brown curly hair, a mustard yellow, short-sleeved turtleneck, and dark red skinny jeans that are rolled up at the bottom. He also had white tennis shoes with baby blue laces and trim on the bottom. He had blue eyes with pale skin, "Fucking swell," Neil said with sarcasm in his tone. Making it clear that he wasn't too fond of this trip either. After several more moments, Max finally began to flip out.

"Why the fuck is the traffic this bad?!" he screamed.

"It is an award ceremony," Neil offered, though it did not seem to soothe Max. Suddenly Max felt a tap on his back, and Nikki pointed out a small alley to their left.

"Good idea," David suddenly pulled into the alley, "We'll just leave this here, and come back when this award show is finished."

"Are you sure this is safe?" Neil wondered aloud.

"Do you want to actually see this thing?" Max said sarcastically, before running out of the alley, "Now come on, we don't know how far this thing is, so we need to…oh, here we are."

By some strange coincidence, the alley was adjacent to the award ceremony. Max began to walk towards the crowd, only to hear a loud cough. He sighed, and ran back to the car.

"You weren't going to leave us here," Neil asked angrily as Max smirked, "Were you?"

"Survival of the fittest my friend," Max laughed, as the other two glared at him with David shaking his head in disapproval. They then walked over to the crowd. They began to fight to the front, not wanting to miss what was going on.

"What show are we here to root for again?" Max asked. The other looked dumbly at him.

"You mean you didn't even know the show we were here to see when you agreed to come with us all the way up here."

"I keep telling you that I never agreed to anything, David," Max growled, "You got me up at four in the morning and stuck the three of us in a hot car on five hours sleep and fifteen hours all the way to this reject of a country. Do you know what it's like to be on the road all the way from Camp Campbell to Toronto, Ontario in one day!"

"We're here to root for that hit Canadian reality show," Neil explained, holding up a magazine with a picture of twenty two teens, "Total Drama. It's kind of like Survivor, but with teens in it instead, and they had one season in an abandoned summer camp, and one in an abandoned film lot."

"I really liked that show," Nikki said with her usual enthusiasm, "Izzy's my favorite character!"

Max slapped his forehead, "Of course it's a reality show. And a Canadian reality show at that!" groaned loudly, "Why do I hang out with you guys?"

"Because we have been friends since last summer," Neil stated. They all watched as a young African American girl ran up to a young man walking out of a limousine. The young man was wearing a yellow sweat suit, with orange hair and sun glasses.

"This is Sierra with our first arrival," the African girl said, "Harold, aka, H-bomb!"

Somebody threw a book at Harold, knocking the H-bomb out.

"Guess we have some H-bomb fans in the audience today," Sierra giggled, before spying the next limo, "And here is reality's most famous BFF's, Katie and Sadie."

"Oh my gosh," Katie muttered, "Celebrity Manhunt! Ah, Josh, we love you!"

Suddenly, a giant bus pulled up in the front. On the side of the worn down vehicle, was a picture of an older, formal looking African American woman, and a younger African American man with a skull cap and a beard.

"I told you we'd be late, D.J.," the older woman complained as she climbed out of the bus, followed by her son.

"D.J.," the all turned to see Sierra running up to the two new honorees, "How does it feel to have it all, and lose it?"

"Um," D.J. shrugged, "No big."

"Okay," Sierra said, apparently hearing someone in her ear, "So D.J., who can't you stand from Total Drama. I mean, who do you-ow!"

Do you think I would ever raise my son to talk behind other people's backs," Momma D.J. asked, as the two walked back onto the carpet, leaving Sierra stunned.

Suddenly, two other limos pulled up, one with a young woman with tan skin, formal dress, and for some reason, a raccoon in her arms, and from the other, a punk with a green Mohawk and choke collar. As they argued, more and more cast-members filed onto the carpet, filling the whole walkway up.

"I call front seat," Heather shouted.

"Oh no you don't!"

Let's just say that lead to a pile up. As the main part of the cast attempted to right themselves, another limo pulled up, revealing an Indian boy in a sweater vest, with sunglasses, and a blue tooth. As he began to list out an order, he completely ignored Sierra, who had attempted to ask him a question.

"Not very good at the art of the interview," Max said, as she failed to cause a look of surprise on her last interviewed group, H-bomb, and the other members of his band, "Is she."

"Nope."

"No."

"At least she's trying her best,"

The four suddenly noticed that the crowd was moving inside the auditorium. They all smiled, as they began to walk in, Max noticed something, the members of Total Drama were being held up by a large African American man.

"Hey," the four stopped as he pointed out what was going on, "Why are they stopping them?"

They continued to watch as Chris Mclean, host of the show, walked up to them, and how Noah gave Chris a latte and muffin. Then, another limo showed up and out came a large group of people or… animals. The first ones to come out where strange in appearance. One was a fat man who had brown hair, glasses, and wore a white dress shirt, green pants, and brown shoes. His two companions were looked a lot weirder than he was. Another was a baby. Who was dressed in a yellow shirt and red overalls, what was weird about him was that he had a football shaped head. The third member was perhaps the weirdest of them all. That one was in fact a pure white dog who wore a red collar. As all three walked across the red carpet many looked in wonder at the baby and dog.

The next group was four nine year olds. The first one was apparently the most normal compared to the other three; He wore a blue skull cap with a red puffball on it, a brown jacket with a red collar, and blue jeans. The second had a weird green ushanka, wore an orange jacket and green pants. The third was very fat, in fact he was obese. He wore a blue and yellow skull cap and a red sweater. The final member was completely covered up in an orange parka.

Another person arrived; he too was strange in appearance. For some reason he had yellow skin, I mean it was actually yellow. He wore a white shirt, blue pants, and black shoes. When he ran across the red carpet, he tripped and fell flat on his face causing him to scream "Doh," but he quickly got back up and ran happily inside the auditorium.

The next three arrivals were kids as well but a bit older than the four nine year olds. The first was short, wore a yellow and purple polo shirt with a vertical red stripe on the right, and had three hairs sticking up. The next was tall and had a green jacket on over a red and white striped T-shirt, he smelled incredibly bad for some reason. The third and final member wore a ski hat, a red shirt, and purple shorts.

Another group had arrived. The first member looked the most normal. He had red hair and wore a white shirt under a red jacket and blue jeans. The second was a woman who had purple hair, wore a white tank top with black pants, and perhaps the strangest thing about her was that she had only one eye. The third member was the strangest of them all. He was in fact a robot with a cylinder body and an antenna on his head.

The next one to arrive was a anthropomorphic horse with brown fur and a black mane, with a white streak on his snout that begins at his upper lip and ends underneath his eyes, with a white diamond shaped mark on his forehead. He also has a pink spot on his nose and pointy ears near his mane. Wearing an unbuttoned gray jacket with a blue sweater underneath, cyan jeans and red-and-white sneakers.

After that, two more kids arrived along with an elderly man. They were African American. The first one was a boy with a large afro, who wore a brown shirt over a white shirt, and blue jeans. The second was another boy was slightly shorter. His hair was done in cornrows and he wore a white tank top and jeans. The old man had balding grey hair, glasses, and wore a green button up sweater over a white shirt and khakis.

The next two contestants did not arrive by limo but instead emerged out of swirling green portal much to the bewilderment of everyone else. They were a tall lanky old man and a young teenage boy. The old man had long legs and arms and is very skinny. He had a dimly tanned ashy complexion and grey-blue hair with a bald spot on the back of his head. He had spiky hair on his head and a unibrow. He wore a white lab coat with a light blue green shirt underneath. He also wore brown pants, a dark brown belt with a yellow buckle, and black shoes. The boy had short brown hair that he wears straight and neatly combed around his head. He wore a yellow shirt, blue pants, and white shoes.

Up next were two teenagers, One was tall and thin, and had short reddish brown hair. His face was freckled and he wore a sweater-vest over a button-up shirt with trousers that were slightly too short for his height. The other boy had short blonde hair, and wore a white long sleeved shirt, brown pants, and a blue neckerchief.

The next group had arrived. They were probably the strangest out of everyone that had arrived previously. They consisted of living fast food items. One was a giant milkshake cup with purple bendy straw and yellow hands; the next one was a living box of French fries with his box having eyes, a mouth, and a goatee, the last one was pretty much a giant ball of meat with eyes and a mouth with only one tooth. The former campers just stood looking incredulously at the living fast food.

The next person actually looked normal for a change. He was a middle-aged man wearing blue sweatpants, a white tank top, foam-green flip flops, and a golden chain around his neck. He also had a mustache and was overweight, balding, and had hair all over his body, even on the bottom of his feet.

The next three weren't even human in slightest. They were in fact three squids. One was green and wore a red and white trucker hat that had the words "Booty Hunter" on it and the second squid was a lighter shade of green and had long red hair and freckles for no apparent reason. The third was a purple elderly squid with glasses, who hung from a walker for unexplained reasons.

Two more animals arrived,The first one looked like a humanoid orange feline wearing a black jumpsuit with blue straps and orange gloves. His face seemed to be stuck in a permanent expression. His companion looked like a humanoid praying mantis wearing a blue costume with yellow gloves.

The second to last was another person with yellow skin, he was a 10-year-old boy with spiky hair, yellow skin and wearing an orange shirt, blue shorts and blue shoes.

"Come on in my peeps," Chris greeted.

"How are they famous?" Gwen asked.

"They're the stars of my new reality show, Total. Drama. Dirtbags!" Chris informed.

"Huh?!" everyone gasped

"A bunch of nasty jerks living in a huge mansion getting all bored and back stabby," Noah explained.

"I'm nasty, that should be me," said Heather.

"These guys are up and coming not down and going, I.E. you _losers_. Besides some of these guys are complete monsters," retorted Chris.

"Excuse me," said a voice as a young Latin man as he moved alongside everyone rudely knocking Cody down on the red carpet for no apparent reason.

"Alejandro, buddy, how's my next biggest star?" Chris greeted but Alejandro just walked past him, causing Chris to frown in irritation. Chris drank his latte then spat in out in Noah's face.

"Ugh, this latte's cold! You're fired!" shouted Chris as he shoved Noah to the other contestants.

"Well guys, I'd say later but uh…there isn't gonna be a later so…" Chris shut the doors, leaving the cast, and the four bystanders outside, with the spotlights going out.

"Wow," Neil muttered, "That's harsh."

"What," Max said, "That former stars who had fifteen minutes of fame are forced out of the spot light while the host turns it into a successful career," his two friends and guardian stared at him, "Well, let's get inside, we might as well go see the show we drove this far to see."

"But," Nikki said, "We don't care about the other shows. We're only fans of Total Drama."

"Hey guys," Sierra addressed the cast, "We have to find a way in."

"Leave that to me," Izzy stated, as she suddenly ran into the nearby alley. After several seconds, Izzy appeared again, this time from inside. As they all smiled, the door closed behind her, locking them all out once again.

Suddenly, the T.V. came blazing on. On it, Alejandro, the handsome Spaniard from earlier reveal that the gang had lost to "Old People in their Undies" for best cast. And then, when Chris received his best Host award, and then forgot to mention them, they were all furious.

"Tomorrow," Chris continued, as the T.V. that had been showing him was in thoroughly bad condition, "I will be announcing my newest reality show, Total Drama Dirtbags on the Oprah Show in New York."

"Dudes," Geoff groaned, "You heard the guy, were nobodies again."

"At least I'll be able to survive on the streets," Duncan said.

"Me too," Ezekiel commented, as some random hobo suddenly stole his wallet out of his back pocket.

"And I'll go back to being just another pretty face," Justin moaned.

"And pecs," Katie marveled.

"And abs," Sadie marveled.

"And Butt," Owen giggled, eliciting several horrified stares by those who were listening.

"Did not need hear that," Neil slapped his forehead.

As the Total Drama Cast walked away, Sierra and the four travelers stared in shock. Well, Max was actually trying to get into the building, which was locked, but the others were standing in shock.

"What's a matter with you guys?" Sierra shouted, "No one deserves to be famous more than you!"

"Walter Payton!" Max shouted out, causing all those there to stare at him, before he shrugged, "Just saying."

"Do you have any idea how many millions of fans you have out in the world!" Sierra continued.

"Well where are they?" Duncan asked angrily, "Everyone abandoned us so they could follow Chris Mclean!"

"Not those guys," Sierra pointed to the four travelers, who waved. Max crossed his arms angrily.

"You suck!" Neil hit Max in the head, causing the boy to fall down.

"Pain!" Max screamed.

"I have been watching, blogging, and PVR-ing you since the first episode," Sierra shouted, "We have fan sites about each and every one of you! We know everything about you, and we're rooting for you! We know about your eating habits, your hopes, your fears…YOUR DENTAL RECORDS!"

"Stalker," Heather whispered to Harold.

"Stalker," Max groaned as he stood up, and his friends and even David could not help but nod.

"You can't let us down now," Sierra begged, "What do you say?"

"What are we supposed to do?" Owen asked.

"Well," All turned to see Neil holding his chin, "If you beat those other contestants to New York, where that announcement is being held, you might be able to win fan support and get yourselves back on the show."

"Yeah!" Nikki agreed, "Besides, America has your biggest fan bases. Heck, they've even made Ezekiel of all people popular."

"But how are we supposed to get to New York by tomorrow afternoon?" Harold asked in frustration.

"I think I have a way!" Izzy shouted.

"Yeah," Max and Noah said at the same time, "This should be interesting."

"Okay, Cody," she pointed at the geek, I need you to gather up assorted pieces of lumber."

"Um," Cody said with unease, "Right now?"

"Owen," she turned to the ton of fun, "I need you to get a medium sized boat motor."

"I'm on it."

"Noah!" she turned to the egghead, "I'm counting on you for the gallons of diesel fuel."

"Right," Noah laughed, "I'll get my unicorn to bring it here."

"Perfect," Izzy laughed, before she heard a honking noise.

"Hey guys," D.J. asked as he stood on the stairs of the bus, "Are you going to get on the bus or not?"

The entire crowd cheered, before Momma D.J. stuck her head out of the window. "But wipe your feet first," she chided, causing them all to groan. As they began to pile on the bus, David, Neil, Sierra, and Nikki followed them.

"Wait guys!" Max shouted with irritation, "Don't tell me your going along with this half-baked scheme."

"Why not?" Neil asked, "When will we ever have a chance to become famous again?"

"Well so long," Max said. "I'm heading home."

Suddenly, the damaged T.V. blared on.

"Oh look, the Total Drama Dirt Bag bus is leaving right now!"

Suddenly, the T.V. showed a bus coming out of the studio through the alley. Along it's way, it was blocked by a car. The driver, not wanting to turn around, simply drove the bus over said car, totaling it. Max just stared at the T.V. with his eyelids half covering his eyes.

"That was our car wasn't it?" Max asked with disinterest. Neil, Nikki, and David quickly held each other in fear.

"Those fucking assholes just ruined our only ride home!" Max suddenly jumped on the bus, and hit the gas. As the Total Drama cast cheered, they ignored Max's cries of revenge.

Of course, this was only the beginning.

* * *

"Welcome back to Celebrity Manhunt," Blaineley smirked as she sat in her desk next to Josh.

"We have breaking gossip news," Josh stated.

"This is Total Drama Comeback!" Blaineley announced, before adding, "Not to be confused with the author Kobold Necromancer's story.

The screen switched to a picture of a shadow of a helicopter following a bus. Suddenly Chris McLean's voice blared onto the screen, "They will do anything to claw their way back to the top. Cheating, shameless self-promotion, sabotage…I love those kids!"

"You said they were washed up," Chef accused.

"That was before they set off on an unforgettable come back adventure," he then wiped a tear away.

"But wait," Blaineley asked, "Who are the mysterious four assistants who are joining them on their quest."

"Oh yeah," Chris suddenly pulled out several files, "The originally won your contest to come and see the Gemmy awards. Since they wanted to see the TD crew win, they stuck around after we left them out in the cold, and they stuck around to help them."

"Chris!" Blaineley shouted, "We have just have gained a feed from inside the bus!"

* * *

"I told you that these guys were gossip worthy," Sierra said, as she walked by sleeping cast members. Somehow, Danielle had managed to find a seat net to D.J., leaving her with a very large smile for some reason. As Sierra walked back, it showed many more cast members still sleeping.

"Doesn't this jalopy go any faster?" Courtney screamed from the driver's seat.

"Um," David muttered, "Don't you think you should let someone else drive?"

"Who, like that new guy?" Heather asked. Gwen pointed to Max, who was currently throwing darts at a picture of the members of Total Drama Dirt-Bags. The fact that he had accurately hit the crotch of every single member did not help give him a sane appearance. He giggled when he landed his second on Alejandro's crotch, before the giggle became a full blown cackle, causing the five in front to stare at him. While Duncan, Gwen, Courtney, and Heather moved away in fear, Izzy grinned for some reason.

"Oh now," Beth groaned, "I think I'm going to be bus sick."

"Not on my new upholstery!" Mama shouted in anger, while Leshawna marveled.

"Wow Mrs. M," the gangsta laughed, "You are something else!"

Mama suddenly looked up at Owen, who was stuffing something in an overhead compartment. "What are you doing boy!"

"Um," Owen mumbled, "Nothing."

He was proven to be a liar when suddenly a large pile of caramels fell out of the compartment.

"What are you doing with those caramels," Momma asked irritably, "Is my food not good enough?"

"I just keep a stash for after workouts," Owen explained.

"Hey guys," they all turned to see Bridgette looking out a window, "I can see the Dirt Bag bus!"

"Get closer!" Harold ordered, "I learned some battle tactics at summer camp."

"So what first," Max asked in a frenzy, "Cut out their gallbladders, or tear out their fucking hair!"

All those in the bus just stared at him with strange looks.

"Neither!"

"Aw shit," Max sat in his chair quietly.

Courtney stepped on the pedal, allowing them to overtake the Dirt Bag bus. When the Cast cheered as they got in front, Harold thought about phase two.

"If only we had a catapult," Harold offered, "Like a bra."

"Yeah," Noah chuckled, "Brilliant."

"You have any better ideas?" Gwen asked in anger.

"Here's a bra!"

Suddenly, a large pink bra was thrown onto Noah's head. The others turned to see Leshawna fixing her shirt.

"What,' the large woman asked, "Haven't you ever seen a big bra before?"

Gwen then ran to the back of the bus, and opened the back door. At the same time, the bra was tied down so it formed a slingshot. Tyler quickly placed several pounds of caramels in the bra, which they fired at the dirt bags, causing the opposing bus to skid out of control.

"Whoa!" Chris marveled, "It looks like our heroes are launching caramel flavored cannonballs!"

"Chris," Blaineley asked in amazement, "In your entire career, have you ever seen something so underhanded?"

"No," Chris said, again wiping a tear from his eye.

Suddenly, big foot stuck its head out the window in anger, only to be hit with caramels. After a few more volleys, the second bus began to slow down, giving the original cast an insurmountable lead. As they began to cheer, they were knocked over by turbulence. They all turned, and saw Duncan and Courtney had begun to make out. While this in itself was not a problem, Courtney had accidently let the bus drive off the road.

Courtney desperately tried to regain control of the bus. This accidently caused the wheels on the bus to fall off, meaning that regaining control of the bus was impossible. This was even worse than usual, because they were headed towards a giant cliff.

As Chef and Chris watched from the helicopter, Chris pulled out a giant pack of legal forms.

"Total Drama Inc. is not responsible for the sudden and brutal demise of their cast," he said quickly.

"Told you those would come in handy," Chef chuckled.

"We're going to die!" D.J. screamed, as the bus went over the edge.

"So Noah was Chris's assistant," Izzy finally realized, as Max slapped his forehead.

The bus plummeted down the canyon, gaining speed as they almost hit the floor of the canyon. Just as they were about to crash, they stopped. Everyone looked at one another for a second.

"Huh," Izzy giggled, "Out of gas."

"It doesn't work like that," Neil moaned, trying to wiggle out from under Owen, who had landed on him. Then, they began to feel the bus being lifted upward; they all looked up to see what had saved them.

"I hope Leshawna doesn't need her bra back," Gwen moaned, as the continued to fly into the sky. Before long, they were experiencing zero gravity, causing them all to float throughout the cabin.

"Being weightless is awesome!" Owen giggled.

"I feel like this all the time," Izzy cackled.

"I bet you do," Max said, when suddenly a pile of vomit hit him in the face.

"Who did that!" Momma D.J. asked in irritation.

"I couldn't hold it any more," Beth explained, when suddenly, they began to fall again. This time, they were caught again near the bottom by the bra. Duncan skillfully climbed up the seat to the back door, and cut the over stretched piece of underwear. This caused the bus to finally land, before turning over and landing on its roof.

"I'm alive!" Owen shouted, getting up, "I'm alive!"

Noah, who had replaced Neil at the position under Owen, could not say the same thing. His body had been crushed when they had landed.

"Hm," Chef said with amazement, "they're not dead."

"Yeah," Chris admitted, "But they could be hurt."

"Should we send for some help?" Chef asked.

Two seconds later, they both burst out laughing, flying away from the crash sight.

Back on the ground, the cast members had all escaped the downed bus. Geoff looked around, peeved at the situation.

"I came here to party," Geoff explained, "And this place is seriously lacking the partying vibe. I'm going to go get help!"

Geoff plus Trent, Justin, Beth, Eva, Katie, Sadie, and Momma DJ all went to go look for help while everyone else stayed in the canyon. David, being the good Samaritan that he was, didn't want these teenagers going out in hot baking desert without any adult supervision, decided to go with them as well.

"I'm sure that Chris saw what happened, and is sending someone to rescue us, as we speak," Max said with confidence. The cast members just looked at one another for a moment.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they roared, holding their sides.

"He hasn't watched the show," Gwen asked Neil, "Has he?"

"Nope," the boy said, "But he does bring up a good point. It is safer for us to just stay here, so no one should go out on a rescue party."

"So," Max said as he looked around, becoming annoyed, "Are we really in New York, because I don't ever remember New York State having a desert."

"Don't blame me," Courtney growled, "I was just following the dirt bag bus!"

* * *

It had already been a whole day since the bus had crashed into canyon. They had all slept over night, and attempted to rest. Many were getting agitated, and since it had been a day since Owen's last meal, no one liked the look he was giving them. Suddenly, a wonderful smell overcame them, and they were D.J. cooking a bowl of something.

"Alright," Owen shouted, "Time for some grub!"

"It's made from tumble weed," D.J. explained, as he poured some into Owen's mouth. This caused the fat boy to cringe.

"You don't like it?"

"No, no," Owen said, before vomiting back into the pan.

"I would kill for a hamburger right now," Max moaned.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of a chopper, and turned up into the sky, to see Chris and Chef lowering a giant magnet onto the bus. As it clinked to the bus, lifting it several feet off the ground, the group cheered.

"I'm not called the best reality host ever for nothing!" Chris declared, as they began to board the bus. As soon as everyone had loaded up, the bus was lifted out of the canyon, and into the wild blue yonder.

* * *

After three hours of flying, they had landed at the set of Total Drama Action. They were sitting in the mess tent along with the Dirtbag contestants, waiting for Chris to explain what was going on. Suddenly, Alejandro came out, and placed a giant plate of pancakes on the table, which were all gobbled up by the delicious food stuffs.

"I have an announcement to make;" Chris said, "Now we all know that no one does drama like you guys."

"Duh," Heather shouted, "But what happened to Total Drama Dirt Bags?"

"It was a trick!" they all turned to see Alejandro seething, "There never was a Total Drama Dirt Bags!"

"This douchebag lied to us!" said the boy with the blue skull cap whose name was revealed to be Stan.

"It was all a plan to get you guys back on the show!" exclaimed the dog whose name was Brian.

"Is that true?" Heather then asked the host.

"Well mostly," Chris said, "I did come up with the name."

"The name was awful!" Max shouted.

"Quiet you!" Chris then turned back to the rest of the cast, "I needed to find out if you kids still had it."

"What about Alejandro?" Gwen asked irritably.

"A dupe, just like the rest of you," Chris said, while noggying the Goth, "I needed someone on the inside. But, to make it up, I told him he and the other Dirtbag competitors could join you all on season three."

"What season three?" Noah asked.

"A race around the world in one giant jet," Chris laughed.

"After all the crap you have put us through," Gwen said with irritation, "What makes you think we'll come along for another season."

"What about _five_ million dollars?"

The entire group cheered, until they heard a cough. Max was standing next to the exit o the tent.

"Okay guys," Max said, referencing his friends, "time to go."

"What," Nikki asked, "Why?"

"We can't go," Max pointed out, "We have no contracts, no way to tell our parents where the hell we are, not that mine give a shit anyway, and we will probably not win, thus meaning we will humiliate ourselves for nothing. Besides," he looked down in anger, "We still need to find a way to fix the car."

"How about this," Chris said, "If you go, we will contact your parents, and fix your car."

"Come on Max," Neil said.

"Please," Nikki said while getting big Bambi eyes. This finally melted his stance, and he sighed.

"Fine," he said to his friends, "We can play."

"Hell yeah!" Neil and Nikii shouted.

* * *

 **Neil:** Alright, I have a chance to win five million dollars! And don't worry my fellow men of science, I will dominate this game, and use that money for something useful. Like college…or Notre Dame season tickets.

 **Peter:** Uh…so what show is this again?

 **Ed:** Butter Toast!

 **Harold and Leshawna:** (Harold puts his arm around her) get your hands off of me! (She shoves Harold to the floor.)

 **Harold:** I thought we can form an alliance, check it! (He then beatboxes)

 **Stan:** I got the feeling that signing up for this show was the biggest mistake I've ever made.

 **Double D:** Oh dear. I'm not so sure about entering this contest.

 **Brian:** A million dollars does buy a lot of beer.

 **Riley:** What's up my n*bleep* s!

 **Stewie:** Winning this contest will finally achieve my plans for world domination.

 **Eddy:** Five million dollars, here I come!

 **Bridgette:** (crying)I miss you already Geoff, wait for me shmoopy-boo, I'll win it for both of us! (Continues crying)

 **Master Shake:** This game is mine losers!

 **Meatwad:** I don't get it, what I'm supposed to confess about?

 **Frylock:** This was a mistake, I just know it.

 **Homer:** WOO-HOO! I can't wait to eat all that exotic food!

 **Gwen:** You know what they say, third time lucky! This could be my season,

 **Duncan:** Hey I'm game, bring it Chris!

 **Bender:** I'm gonna win this meatbags!

 **Cartman:** These assholes won't stand a chance against me.

 **Huey:** Why did Granddad make us sign up for this show again?

 **Nikki:** Oh yeah! A new adventure!

 **Alejandro:** Watch out Total Drama Nerds, (he points to himself) the new guy is going all the way to the top.

(Suddenly, the door opens)

 **Max:** (Outside) Excuse me, were you the one who ran over our car?

 **Alejandro:** Yeah?

(A baseball bat suddenly swings down and hits him on the head)

 **Max:** (Sitting in front, with an unconscious Al sitting propped up against the wall.) That is what happens when you piss me off. (Turns back, and his eye's widen when he sees the camera) Oh crap, they were filming this! I really need to watch the first two seasons. But there is one thing that this asshole over here said right, a new guy is going to the top, but that new guy is me!

* * *

Chris was walking next to a large plane, one twice the size of a normal plane. Not only did it appear to be in bad shape, but it also had Chris's portrait on the side.

"Fifty-two contestants," Chris began, "A trip around the world for five million dollars. What else could you ask for?"

"How about music?" Chef asked, dressed in a flight attendant's outfit.

"Yeah," Chris thought, "Everybody is doing the music thing now."

"Yeah!" they heard Max shout, "And suck at it! Damn you Zach Effron!"

"Sure, and music," Chris said happily, "see you next time on Total Drama: The Musical!"

"That name sucks balls!"

"Quiet you!" Chris shouted, "Okay, how about Total Drama World Tour!"

"Better!"

"Everybody's a critic," Chris said, as the screen faded.

* * *

 _ **AN:**_ _ **Well here it is the end of part one and it's only the beginning. I plan to make many changes throughout the season and it will affect how it ends. I'll try to keep the characters in character as much as I can.**_ _ **I hope you all have enjoyed this story as much as I have.**_ _ **I hope you realize that the added campers mean more places to stop, so please also look forward to such locations as India…Brazil…and even Area 51. Also I like to point out that "Eminence" is not an OC, but he is from a certain cartoon. Can you guess what it is?**_

 _ **Until next time, sayonara!**_


	2. Walk Like an Egyptian Part 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that are in this story.**_

 _ **Warning: Excessive foul language, cartoon violence, and some other surprises.**_

* * *

"Season three of Total Drama," Chris announced, as he stood on a runway, "The world is gonna be mine, sea to shinning sea!"

"Worst reference ever!"

"Quiet you!" He then turned back to the camera, when suddenly, the bus pulled up next to him, "Unfortunately, I will be forced to share my world with a traveling freak show. They will travel all around the globe competing for a grand total of five million dollars!"

First we have Courtney," the competitors walked off the bus when their names were called, "Duncan, Heather, Gwen, and Leshawna."

When they stopped walking, Gwen accidently ran into Heather, who stopped suddenly.

"Are there reserved seats?" Gwen asked, "Because I really would like to have mine on the opposite side of the plane from her."

"Oh ha ha," Heather fake laughed.

"Lindsey," said beautiful girl floated a kiss to the camera as she walked off, "D.J., Owen, and Harold!"

When the last three didn't walk off, Chris looked surprised. "Um," he said with apprehension, "Guys?"

D.J. finally walked off, holding Owen in a vice grip. Owen was busy mumbling horrible things at the kindly linebacker.

"He's afraid of flying," D.J. pointed out, "Remember?"

"Aerophobia," Harold explained, as he walked off onto the runway, "From the Latin, instead of Aeronausophobia, fear of air sickness."

"Wow," Noah said as he walked off the bus, "keep up with the interesting facts, and I will be aeronauso, all over you!"

"And returning favorites, Noah," Noah moved on as his fellow contestants walked off the bus, "Cody and…"

"Yo," Ezekiel said as he hopped onto the bottom step of the bus, "This year's winner is in the house! Hey," he looked around in confusion, "Where's the plane, eh?"

"I know," Izzy said happily, as she jumped on Zeke's shoulders, "Right?" This accidently caused both of them to hit the pavement with a thud.

"Yep, Izzy is back," Chris announced, "Also returning is Tyler," who made an Olympic pose, before tripping over the fallen teens, "And one of the hosts of Total Drama Aftermath, Bridgette!" She too tripped, and landed in the great heap.

"Yo Chris," Ezekiel said, "You forgot to introduce me."

"Fine," Chris seethed, "And Ezekiel," his smile suddenly returned, "And to keep things fresh, we will be including a grand total of thirty five new contestants. He's an honor roll student with a diplomat for a dad, and an amazing ability to charm the pants off most species, Alejandro!"

The handsome Spanish man walked off the bus, with sunglasses mostly covering his eyes. He took them off, and reached down to the pile. "Perhaps I can assist you," Al said, as he reached Bridgette's hand, and lifted her and Izzy up. This had the adverse affect of making them stand on top of their fallen friends.

"Oh wow," Izzy mumbled.

"I-I-I," Bridgette stuttered, "have a boyfriend."

Al then reached down to the other three currently on the ground. "Allow me amigos," he said, as they got up as well. Geoff, smiling at the Spanish guy, happily shook his hand.

"I like girls," Tyler declared, as he and the others moved into the main group.

"And our second contestant is a sugar addicted girl with 16 Total Drama blogs. Please welcome, Sierra," Sierra stepped off happily.

"Oh my gosh," she said as she rushed off, "I love you guys! This is the greatest day ever!"

"And here they are, all the way from a little town in Rhode Island USA, Peter, Stewie, and Brian!"

"Aw sweet, is this Survivor?!" Peter exclaimed as he ran out the bus with Brian and Stewie trailing behind him.

"No Peter, this is Total Drama. The show this douchebag tricked us into competing into," informed Brian which caused Chris to glare in his direction.

"Oh, now I'm disappointed." Peter said, having lost his good mood.

"I just hope we don't wind up on the same team as the fat man," remarked Stewie.

"Me too, I hate to be stuck with him the entire trip, this place is gonna suck worse than any Brad Pitt movie," replied Brian.

"Okay, next we have Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny all the way from South Park Colorado!"

"Shut your fucking mouth you damn liar," snarled Cartman. He then turned to the rest of the contestants, "I'm better than all you bitches."

"Whoa," said a shocked Duncan, "that kid has quite a potty mouth on him."

"Don't mind him," said Kyle, "Cartman is just a fat stupid asshole."

"Don't call me fat you fucking Jew!"

"Shut the fuck up Cartman!"

"Listen dudes," said Stan, "We can argue later, let's just try to not piss off the other contestants."

"Woo-hoo!" screamed Homer as he ran out the bus only to trip and fall again like last time.

"Doh!"

"And that's Homer if anyone cares," Chris said.

The next ones to come out were none other than the Eds. Ed then threw a giant bag off and it landed on Chris.

"Hello people! The Eds have arrived!" Eddy shouted as he and the others got off the boat.

"Eddy, how many times do I have to tell you not to throw your luggage around? you might hurt someone." said Edd

"A little late for that, dude." Chris said from under the bag, "GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!"

"No problem, ED!" Eddy calls to his tall and strong(and dimwitted) friend.

"Okey-Dokey, Smokey!" Ed says as he picks up the bag with ease, he than notices the strange looking group of people on the runway. "Hello! My name is Ed! Are all of you space mutants who have come to our world to make mayonnaise with our brains!" Of course everyone just stared at him like the crazy person he is.

"Please forgive Ed, he's really a lovable oaf, just not a bit right in the head." Edd tried to explain Ed's actions

"Oh, I don't like him one bit." Brian said.

"That makes two of us." said Stewie.

The next ones to come out were none other than the Venture Brothers.

"Hello people! The Hankster has arrived!" Hank shouted as he and Dean got off the bus.

"Hank, this is the first time we've ever had the chance to socialize with normal kids, so can you please tone it down a little?" Said Dean.

"Moving on, people!" Chris said, dusting himself off, "Our next contestants are two people and an advanced robot who fell through a time warp from the 30th century," Chris introduced, "I give you Fry, Leela, and Bender!"

"Yo, meatbags of the stupid ages," Bender greeted, "Bender's in the house!"

"Wow," Harold breathed, "a robot with human intelligence and mannerisms! Wicked!"

"Considering what most humans are like, I'm not impressed," Gwen snorted.

Bender scowled at her, "Hey, bite my shiny metal ass!"

The next to arrive were Max, Neil, and Nikki also known as the Camp Campbell campers who came walking out with Max not looking too happy.

"Let's introduce our next contestant who is probably the most annoying, loud, cynical, and totally jerk-faced contestant we have ever had, Max!"

"It takes one to know one, asshole," Max countered, "I'll let you know firsthand that I hate being here and that now you have three more little bastards to deal with," He said with a calmly deadly tone as the three kids went to join the cast, everyone took one step back as to not incur the ten year old's wrath.

"Okay...next up we have the Freemans!"

The Freeman family were the next ones to step out, Riley was acting up as usual.

"Yo man, fuck all you bitches! I'm here to win the mil!"

"Boy watch you mouth! We're on national TV for God's sake!" Granddad shouted as he smacked Riley upside the head.

Huey said nothing as he was still trying to figure out how he got dragged into this show in the first place.

The Freemans went to join the group ignoring Chris as the host scowled.

"Kids these days, no respect. Where was I? Oh yeah, here's the food trio, consisting of Master Shake, Frylock, Meatwad, and a surprise guest, their neighbor Carl!

"Nah boy, that wasn't our name, we was called the-" Meatwad began but was cut off by Frylock.

"Meatwad, we don't go by that anymore, remember?"

"Well I came up with the golden name, I still remember it too! Aqua Teen Hu-" said Shake before Chris interrupted him.

"Okay move along, we still got a bunch more contestants left to introduce."

Shake glared at Chris and flipped him off as he and the others joined everybody else.

"So wait, why are we here again?" Meatwad asked.

"Meatwad, we've been through this before. Now, I personally didn't do anything wrong, but let's say a guy did, alright? Like, he did the right thing, but people thought it was 'wrong'. So he would have to run away to get away from those people. Which is essentially what we're doing right now." Shake replied.

"Shake, you set fire to the mall because a department store Santa Claus refused to give you a sex robot for Christmas! And now we're all fugitives of the law because of it!" Frylock chastised.

"Yeah, and it figures all you idiots dragged me into it! Now I'm stuck in dumb Canada in God-knows-where with a bunch of losers and lunatics! And I didn't even get a sex robot either!" Carl yelled.

"See, even Carl knows that the lack of sex robots in our old town was ridiculous! I was completely justified in lighting that place up! And besides, we're in Canada! They don't give a crap about domestic terrorism here!" Shake yelled.

"Oh yeah? Fine then, gimme one good reason why I should be happier here than in my own frickin' home!" Carl yelled back.

"Well...I mean, um...they have excellent sandwiches here, rumor has it." Shake replied.

"Sandwiches, you say? Well, buddy, I've got a sandwich for you right here! A knuckle sandwich!" Carl yelled angrily.

"Okay then, also on board are Early, Rusty, and-" Chris was cut off again as a shotgun was pointed to his face.

"Hey boy, I was promised some chewin' tobacco! Gimme it!" Early shouted.

"Daddy, quit all of that bullshit, I gave you some earlier!" said Rusty.

"You'll find things are even better Early. Trust me," Chris said frantically as he didn't want to get his head blown off.

"I got my eye on you boy," Early warned as he, Rusty, and Granny slithered away or in Granny's case, hopped away with her walker.

"Okay people," Chris said now feeling relieved as former Space Ghost Coast to Coast stars, Brak and Zorak.

"Welcome, Brak and Zorak!" said Chris

"Boy, this is gonna be fun! Huh, best buddy?" Brak cheered.

If by fun, you mean humiliating ourselves on live TV. Then yes, it'll be fun," Zorak replied with obvious sarcasm.

"Glad you think so, buddy!"

"I was being sarcastic you idiot."

"And next we have, Rick and Morty!"

"Aw geez, Rick! I-I don't think this a great idea, y'know?" Morty said nervously.

"Shut the hell up, M-Morty. There's some important things I need to get on this *urp* trip. I don't give a rat's ass about the money," Rick retorted.

"Okay then, next we have the former star of the 90's sitcom Horsin' Around and the Secretariat Movie, let's introduce Bojack Horseman!"  
 _ **  
**_"Glad to be on this show, Chris," Bojack greeted as he stepped out the bus, "Though to be completely honest, I'm just here to boost my celebrity status."

"And finally, here's our last contestant, This is Bart Simpson from Springfield, state unknown."

"Oh yeah, I'm here to kick some butt and win me a lot of moolah!" says Bart.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." Chris says.

"Hey wait a minute, DAD!?" Bart exclaimed, evidently seeing his father, Homer Simpson here.

"Hey boy, I'm on TV!" Homer runs over to a nearby camera and puts his face up to the lens, "Hey Marge! When I win this, you and I will go on one hell of a new honeymoon and make sweet, sweet love on a bed made of gold!" Homer is then grabbed by Chef who is trying to drag him away, "Hey, let go of me, I'm not done with the camera, hey Lenny, hey Carl, hey Moe, hey-" Chef is able to pry him off and take him to the group.

* * *

Back in Springfield, Marge is at home watching this with an upset look on her face,"I'm so embarrassed."

* * *

"What the heck are you doing here, dad?" asked Bart, who didn't really know that his father also signed up for the show.

"Well, when you said you were going to be on this show, I didn't really give a damn, but when you said the prize was a lot of money, I was all in."

"Oh, this is bull! Now I'm competing with my dumbass of a dad, whose fat, drunk, and-"

"Why you little!" Homer than begins to strangle Bart.

As this was going on, they all noticed a large shadow appear. Everyone stared in amazement as a giant plane drove into view. While huge enough to give them all comfortable living space, it appeared to be in very bad condition.

Scratch that, it was in horrible condition. There was smoke coming out of the turbines, there appeared to be holes in parts of the hull, and in the pilot's seat was Chef. The only thing that looked even remotely new, was a giant painting of Chris in a pilot's outfit.

"What the…?!" Duncan gawked.

"Excuse me Chris," Courtney raised her hand, "I would like to express some safety concerns about this plane.

"Safety concerns?!" Kyle said incredulously "This thing looks like a goddamn death trap!"

"What are you talking about?" Chris asked. "The plane is perfectly safe."

He was proven wrong when one piece of the plane came off. "Yeah," Brian remarked, "About as safe as walking on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon."

"No way," Owen said, "Call the United Nations! Call the police! Call my Mom! I won't do this! I-"

His babbling was stopped when in a fit of annoyance; Chris had pulled out a frying pan and bashed Owen in the head with it. As Owen fell to the ground in a heap, he turned back to the others, with some of them staring in shock.

"Anyone else got a problem with it?" Chris asked angrily.

"No!"

"I'm fine!"

"The plane looks great!"

"Okay, good," Chris said as he began to board the plane. Brian turned back to Gwen, who was standing beside him.

"Does he do this a lot?" Brian asked.

"Oh yeah."

"Now boarding," Chris shouted from the door of the plane, "A trip for five million big ones; We're giving you a front row seat for all the action, right here on Total Drama," he sang the last part, "World Toooouuurr!"

"Seriously?" Max and Duncan said in irritation.

* * *

 _(Cue Theme Song)_

* * *

"And we're back," Chris said.

"Where did we go?" Ed asked.

"Theme song," Gwen explained, "But seriously singing, I thought Chris was joking about that."

"Well I don't have a problem with it," Courtney pointed out.

"Yeah," Leshawna rebuked, "Cause you like singing."

"Well I don't," Duncan said with anger, "Girls sing! Little birdies sing! Duncans do not sing!"

"Singing is gay!" yelled Riley.

"Been there, done that. I'm not doing that shit again," said Stan.

It's just frickin' stupid!" Carl shouted.

"Think I'll get to beat box?" Harold asked.

"I'll beat you if you try," Duncan threatened as he waved his fist at Harold.

"Why are you doing this to us?" Heather asked in irritation.

"Because this guy's a sadistic asshole," Zorak said.

"True," Chris answered, "But singing reality shows are a hit and also, the worse the singing, the higher the ratings, which is why on this show, there will be no rehearsal, no vocal coaches, and it'll happen completely at random, you'll never hear it coming!"

This caused all the contestants to grumble.

"Any who," Chris continued, "This is the dining area," he motioned to three long tables with seats up against them, "Where you will enjoy your flight meals."

"Not for long eh," Ezekiel said, "Prepare to lose to the Zeke!"

"Okay," Gwen said, putting her hand on his shoulder, "So not trying to be mean here, but you do know you got voted out first last time right?"

"Yep, and I spent every minute since making sure that don't happen again."

"So wouldn't that mean it is a good idea for you to shut up?" Max asked, "Since you really don't want to deal with that two seasons in a row."

"No way," Ezekiel said. "I can't lose; I'm stronger, faster, and smarter."

"Not to mention chattier," Chris began in annoyance, "blabbier, can't-shut-up-ier!"

"Is there a ladies room?" Leshawna asked.

"Sure," Chris said, pointing backwards.

"Thanks," Leshawna said, walking by him, "Cause I need to make a deposit."

"TMI," Neil remarked.

* * *

 **Leshawna:** (Sits down, only to see camera) there is a camera in the bathroom again? Ugh, can't a sister get a little privacy on this program?

* * *

"Losing teams will enjoy luxurious economy class accommodations, where losing teams will stay between destinations," Chris said as he took everyone through said class, which was anything but luxurious. The entire place was covered in dirt, and from pipes in the ceiling, water was dripping on the floor.

"My God, have you ever heard of a plumber," Stewie said with irritation, "Because this place sure needs it? And a maid. And a freaking blacksmith to fix those holes," he said while pointing at some large groups of wood, which were clearly bad attempts to clog large gaps in the plane.

"Okay," Lindsay said looking around, "Where are our beds?"

"Owen," Chris addressed the unconscious large teen, who was strapped to the wall with two seatbelts, leaving him sleeping in an upright position that did not look comfortable.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Leela said with disbelief.

"That can't be good for my back," Granddad pointed out.

* * *

"This," Chris said, as he and the contestants stood in a much larger and wide open cabin, "Is the first class cabin. The domain of each challenge's winners."

"Now this," Alejandro said to Lindsay, "is the type of accommodation that a lady deserves."

Cartman, Stewie, Max, Frylock, Rick, and Heather glared at Al, not trusting him at all.

"That guy is as smooth as Momma's gravy," commented DJ.

But Lindsay is supposed to like me," Tyler stated.

"You can't compete with gravy," said Homer, "Mmm...gravy."

* * *

 **Heather:** I can see right through that guy. _/Suddenly is shown to be sitting in the cockpit next to Chef/_ Hey this extra confessional is really convenient.

 **Chef:** Maybe for you, I'm trying to prep for a flight.

 **Heather:** Shush! Anyway, Al is so transparent, so fake so…

 **Chef:** Deliciously seductive?

 **Heather:** That is the exact opposite of what I was trying to say.

 **Chef: p** retty good looking guy to boot. _/turns around/_ Just saying.

 **Heather:** Forget this!

* * *

 **Max:** If that Spanish bastard thinks that a few kind gestures will win him this thing, he's got another thing coming.

* * *

"Whoa," Cody marveled as they walked into the final room, "Where are we now?"

"My quarters and they're off limits," Chris warned.

"Oh Chris, I heart your limits," Sierra giggled.

* * *

 **Heather:** Anyway, with Beth gone, Lindsiot, Ale-whatever looking a like real threat. My only strategic option is making friends with the new girl, But pretending to like that is going to be _hard._ I _do not_ heart the new girl.

* * *

"And that's pretty much it, other than the storage area and the gallery, but I'm sure you'll find those exciting destinations later when I 'accidently' lock you in them," Chris said as the contestants were sitting around the mess hall.

The plane rumbled as it was taking off causing Bridgette to nearly fall over but Morty was barely able to catch her.

"Are you alright?" Morty asked.

"I'm okay," Bridgette replied, "Thanks."

"It's no problem," Morty said sheepishly.

* * *

 **Morty:** Well at least I made one friend today.

* * *

"One more thing, I'm sure you remember something called the 'Elimination Ceremony?" Chris continued.

"Um, thirty of us don't," Huey noted with a raised hand.

"Well, you're gonna learn today. It takes place right in there my friends," Chris informed as he led them to another room with a tropical theme to it along with a bleacher, "If you don't receive a barf bag full of airline issued peanuts…"

"I got a peanut allergy yo, Er, more like a sensitivity…" Ezekiel interrupted.

"…You will be forced to take the Drop of Shame," Chris scowled.

"Okay. I just don't like…" Ezekiel began before Chris grabbed him by the front of his hoodie and threw him out of the plane.

"Kind of like this!"

"Hey!" Ezekiel shouted, as he chased after the plane, "Slow me down and let me back in eh!"

"All eliminations are final bro!" Chris waved to the prairie boy as he closed the door.

"I'm pretty sure that's not safe," Brian replied.

"Yeah, you expect us to just jump out of a plane, not knowing where we'll end up?" Leela asked.

"I think there's a slim chance of any of us making to the ground alive," Huey pointed out.

"Do we even get parachutes at least?" Peter asked.

"My bosses told me that I have to make sure you have a parachute before you jump out," Chris frowned.

* * *

 **Brian:** I think Chris has it out for Ezekiel.

* * *

It had already been six hours since they had taken off for their first destination, and all of the contestants were bored out of their minds. They had no idea where they were going, and they hadn't seen Chris for a while, meaning something evil was in the works.

"Every second we're getting closer to adventure and further away from Momma," DJ slumped in his seat in the gallery table.

"Out of the way fat ass," Shake mocked as he bumped into DJ.

"Excuse me?!" DJ shouted.

"Oh, a thousand pardons. I meant _lard_ ass! You got a permit for that thing?!" Shake insulted, causing those who were nearby to glare at him.

 _ **Ding**_

What the hell was that?" Kyle asked.

The lights went off and a spotlight appeared near the pathway. There, Chris stepped out in a formal tuxedo.

"Whenever you hear that friendly little bell, it's musical number time!" Chris declared, "So…let's hear it."

"But," Courtney murmured, "What are we supposed to sing?"

"Make it up as you go. Wouldn't be challenging otherwise, now would it?"

 _"Up," Courtney sang._

 _"Up," Izzy added._

 _"Up," Sierra continued._

 _"Up," Lindsay concluded._

 _"Sing," Harold began._

 _"Sing," Cody continued._

 _"Sing," said DJ._

 _"Sing," Tyler concluded._

 _The girls, minus Gwen, then sang, "We're flying!"_

 _The guys, minus Duncan and the South Park kids, then added, "We're singing!"_

 _They all then sang together, "We're flying and singing!"_

 _"Come fly with us!" Sierra sang as she pushed Cody down the aisle, "Come fly with us!"_

 _"Got a lot of crazy tunes to bust!" Izzy shouted from an overhead compartment._

 _"Come fly with us," Bridgette then continued, stepping up on a chair._

 _"Come fly with us," Lindsay continued._

 _It's a pleasure," Al sang, as he grabbed both of them by the hand and pulled them down next to him, which caused Bridgette to blush, "And an honor and a must!"_

 _"Dudes!" Duncan shouted, "This is messed. You're singing in a plane!"_

 _"What did you expect," Max pointed out, "The host is fucking insane!_

 _"Yeah," Gwen then said, "But guys, you're singing on TV!"_

 _"Haven't you always wanted to," Courtney sang, as she danced around the goth with pride, "It can't just be me!"_

" _It is!" Paul shouted, before looking at the camera, "I…hope we go to Cadiz?"_

"It counts," Chris said.

 _"Come fly with us," DJ and Leshawna sang but nearly fell over as plane started to shake._

 _It cuts to the cockpit showing Heather holding onto her seat for dear life while Chef is just lounging on the pilot's seat._

 _"Do you even know how to steer this thing?!" Heather said frantically._

 _"I tried," Chef replied casually._

 _The scene changes to show Ezekiel coming out from one of the briefcases in the cargo hold, far away from everybody else, though he still heard their song. He then sang, "They thought they could leave me and depart, but this stowaway's got winning in his heart."_

 _Noah then looked out of the window in fear._

 _"Come fly with us, come die with us!"_

 _"Flying, I hate flying stop the plane!" Owen screamed as he was once again knocked out by a frying pan._

 _"Come fly with us," Fry, Dean, Courtney, Peter, Cody, DJ, and Heather sang to Gwen , Duncan who still refused to sing, "come sing with us."_

 _"No!" they shouted._

 _"Do you want a copy of the Season 3 rules," Chris suddenly pulled out a large pile of papers, "Because in order to avoid instant elimination…"_

 _Bridgette stole the paper and sang, "All contestants must sing in each show."_

 _"Duncan do it," Courtney sang, "let's go!"_

 _"Gwen sing it," Cody snag, "don't go!"_

 _"I don't wanna go home," Gwen said, "Come fly with us! Come fly with us! Come and fly with us!"_

 _"Duncan come on please?!" Courtney pleaded._

 _"Dude, if you do it, then I do it," Stan Marsh offered, "This asshole won't stop bugging us until we do."_

 _"…Fine," Duncan sighed._

 _"This sucks!" they both yelled out._

 _"Yeah!"_

"Thank god that is over!" Max shouted, as he grabbed a frying pan, and hit Chris over the head, "Now mister cameraman, please go to commercial while I draw embarrassing things on Chris's face."

* * *

Chris had finally woken up after a few hours, and he was sitting down on the bench. Suddenly, everybody heard the intercom blazed on.

"Enough singing fruitcakes!" Chef shouted, "We are now beginning our descent into Egypt, so strap yourself in," he then grumbled, " Musical numbers, stupid Chris doesn't have an original bone in his body," he then looked down at the microphone, "Uh oh, the intercom was still on."

* * *

They had finally landed at their first destination, Egypt. All of the contestants were standing outside the plane near the pyramids.

"Man, it's hot as hell around here," Riley complained.

"What are you complaining about? At least your body isn't covered in fur," Brian retorted as he was sweating heavily from the intense heat.

"You guys ready for some fun?" Chris asked as he was carried over by two interns.

"Why are you dressed like a faggot?" Cartman asked, causing several of the others to snicker.

Chris glared at the fat boy for a moment before resuming, "Wow, it's a scorcher out here huh?" he took a sip of his drink, he then looked over at the pyramid, "I call this challenge Pyramid Over Under!"

"Hey Chris!" Max shouted.

"What Max?" Chris growled.

"How is landing that thing here legal?" Max pointed back at the plane.

"Don't worry," Chris said, "I sent some interns to the government to get the okay. They never came back, but I decided to go along with it anyway."

* * *

Intern tied up in a dungeon. He stares at the camera, only to shriek as he see's a large Egyptian man walk into the room.

"Okay," the guard said, "Let us get ready for the cattle prod!"

* * *

"An eleven hour flight, Chef's in-flight cuisine, a forced musical number, and _now_ we've got a challenge?!" Leshawna demanded in disbelief.

"Don't you just love this game?" Chris beamed as an intern waved a leaf fan to cool Chris off.

* * *

 **Double D:** (gags) The food was disgusting! It could almost be considered a health hazard!

 **Kyle:** I hate him so much.

 **Early:** Y'all just ended up on my shitlist boy!

* * *

"It's like we're being cooked in a giant oven…!" Harold moaned as everyone stood at the starting line before a pyramid.

"It might help if you weren't dressed up as a giant baked potato!" Leshawna replied as she glared at the tin-foil hat Harold wore.

"Aluminum foil means the aliens can't read your brains," Harold explained.

"Heh…nerd," said Homer.

"Aright," Chris explained, "Pyramid over and under means that you get to pick how you get through the pyramid, either over or under the pyramid. Got it?"

They all nodded.

"Okay, ready, set…"

"Wait up, yo! You guys! Wait up!" Ezekiel called as he ran over. "I told you I wasn't gonna lose this time eh!"

"Didn't we leave you in like Halifax or White Horse or whatever?" Chris demanded.

"It was Ottawa you fucking idiot!"

"God I hate that guy," Chris seethed.

"Tch, it's called landing gear homey! I climbed it and hid in the cargo!"

"Impressive, but…you're still out."

"No way! I'm in it to win it! Word!" Ezekiel argued.

"Okay…it's your funeral," Chris chuckled before banging together two cymbals.

All the contestants ran to the pyramid, taking either of the routes.

* * *

They skidded to a halt when they entered a chamber with three paths.

"Oh great," Noah groaned as he and the others who had gone inside walked into a room with three pathways, "Our friendly neighborhood host failed to mention there would be different paths."

"I say we go down the path with the mummy door," said Homer.

He then ran down the left path with Peter, Fry, Cartman, and Kenny right behind him.

"Hey Sierra," Heather shouted, "Which way do you think we should go?"

"Me?" Sierra said, "Well…um…"

"How do you know which way is right?" Owen asked with confusion.

"Oh I know, you lick your finger and hold it up to see the air flow!" Izzy said, she then turned to DJ, "Okay DJ, give me your hand."

"Don't do it DJ, you might catch a case of crazy!" Leshawna said, leading herself, DJ, Harold, Stan, Kyle, Neil, Nikki, Bart, Hank, and Dean, down the middle path which had a scarab picture on the top.

"Well I'm going this way, anyone who's smart enough to not follow the idiot and the lunatic can follow me," Brian said as he led Stewie, Brak, Zorak, Carl, Meatwad, Leela, Early, Rusty, Granny, Huey, Riley, Cody, Heather and Sierra down the path with the sacred symbol on it.

"Oh, let's just follow that yellow guy," Izzy said.

Reluctantly, Noah, Owen, Max, Rick, Bojack, Shake, and Frylock followed her.

* * *

 **Max:** Okay, I know what your thinking! What the hell is he doing following crazy pants! Well, I have a theory. The obstacle you face depends on which route you take. And since mummies don't exist, I don't have to worry about that. And, I do know scarab beetles exist. Yuck! Nasty little fuckers!

* * *

Morty was on his way, yet hadn't made it there. He ran up just in time to see the first group go down the middle and the other in the right. Morty took the left path. He walked in a long hallway that seemed not to end. Glancing at the writings inscripted in the walls, and some of the vases used to collect dead remains. Morty's curiosity was peaked when he came across a door that led further up into the inside of the pyramid. He looked in, and his eyes went wide as saucers at what he was witnessing.

In the insides of the pyramid, there were excavation machines pulling dirt from the ground, driven by people who appear to be workers wearing protective suits. Armored men stood atop the sandhills with large guns, indicating that they were protecting the machines. Morty wanted to know what was happening, but he knew that he'd get caught if they saw him, so he hid behind a big rock and observed afar.

"Report" Morty heard a gruffy voice speaking. He narrowed his eyes for a better look, and saw that the voice belonged to a gruff-looking man in his mid-forties/fifties. He was wearing a construction suit and was handling a large piece of paper, probably a map. A younger man came to him.

"Well sir, the operation has gone a 62% in and we are advancing a little. But the object has yet to be found"

"That's okay, kid. That's all i need to hear. Call the boss and inform him that we are close to extracting what he seeks"

"But sir, what is it that Mr. McLean is looking for in here? He hasn't informed us anything about what the project concerned. We've been doing this for weeks now. Yet we haven't found anything closer to the tomb. Why are we still doing this?"

"Right now, i don't know and it's not my business. As long as Chris is giving us our paychecks, we're more than happy to extract what he wants out of this dirt"

Morty had a little problem processing this. Did Chris hire these people to excavate in an ancient monument which was by the way being currently used for a challenge? But what could they be extracting from there, and why? And more importantly, it surely would be illegal to operate in a monument without authorized permission from the locals. He sat and tried to make any sense out of this, but unfortunately, his butt landed on some sharp pebbles, which surely hurt. He screamed a little, but quickly covered his mouth. Sadly, due to the place being so under the ground, his little shriek echoed across, and this made the people below notice him from afar.

"Hey, who's that in there? one guard asked pointing to where Morty was standing.

 _'Oh shit'_ he thought.

"What's that kid doing in here?"

"Hey this is a top secret operation! Get out of here! Guards!" the foreman ordered at the armored men, who cocked their weapons in preparation and aimed at where Morty was. Realizing he was caught, he tried to run away, while evading the bullets and running away.

"Follow him! Leave no witnesses!"

* * *

Bridgette, Lindsey, Tyler, and the Eds stared up at the pyramid, all wowed by its size.

"Is it too late to go under?" Tyler asked.

"Look at Alejandro and Boiler, their doing okay," Lindsey looked up to see Alejandro jumping gracefully up the giant steps of the pyramid while Bender was stretching his limbs to leap across the steps, "But Alejandro's like the super cutest mountain goat in the world!"

"Wait, I can be a goat!" Tyler shouted.

Alejandro jumped down and offered Bridgette and Lindsay a hand, "May I be of assistance?" he asked, before lifting them up the pyramid.

"Lindsay, I'm a goat, Baa!" Tyler shouted after his girlfriend.

"Come on you guys, we gotta catch up to them," said Eddy as he began to climb up the pyramid steps.

"Excuse me Eddy, but I think I may have a simpler solution," Double D said as he calmly began to turn a corner of the pyramid.

"Oh," Eddy said with understanding, "Why in the heck did no else think of that?"

Ed simply shrugged.

* * *

Duncan cringed as Courtney tied a rope between them.

"Rock climbing was a team building challenge when I was a CIT," she explained, "So my superior belay skills are going to win us this challenge."

"Hey Gwen!" Duncan shouted, noticing the Goth girl climbing the side of the pyramid, "You going over too?"

"Working on it!" Gwen replied.

"I think Gwen could use a hand," Duncan offered.

"Fine," Courtney groaned, "But only because three in a group is stronger."

* * *

Izzy smiled as she saw a pile of large bandages lying in the middle of the floor.

"Ooh look, we're in the nurse's office," she squealed.

"It's a pyramid, not a high school." Noah groaned.

"Costume Party!" she shouted, throwing the bandages into Owen, Noah, Peter, and Homer's hands, "Mummy me!"

"Isn't this kind of counter productive?" Frylock asked.

"Just go along with it," Owen said.

"Yeah," Noah said, "With Izzy, if she wants to do something, she rarely doesn't get it."

* * *

 **Frylock:** Why in the hell did I feel a chill run up my spine?

* * *

"Lindsey!" Tyler shouted, as he reached up to his girlfriend, "Wait up!"

He then got stung by a scorpion, which sent him falling down the pyramid in a rather humorous way.

* * *

Sierra accidentally stepped on a small lever, which sent dozens of spears flying through the air. Everyone was able to dodge all the spears, and they all glared at Sierra intensely.

"Oops," she offered.

"Fuck you," Brian said.

* * *

"And your form is appalling," Courtney concluded, as she lectured the Goth girl who was climbing beneath her.

"Gee, Courtney," Gwen shouted, "I was just wondering that!"

"You know you're only here because I'm feeling nice today," Courtney said smugly.

"Wow, this is you being nice?" she then shouted to Duncan, who was in the front, "My sympathies!"

"Are you hearing this Duncan? You're not gonna let her get away with that!"

Duncan just sighed. Their arguing was really starting to get on his nerves.

* * *

"That's a real dog," DJ said as his group was running through the inner maze of the pyramid. "Poor little guy."

"DJ, we do not have time to cry over a stuffed dog!" Leshawna shouted.

"Besides, why do you even give a crap about it anyway, it's already dead," said Stan.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you," warned Dean, "Trust me. I know my way around ancient tombs."

"Hey there little buddy, I wish I had a biscuit to give you." He then reached out and petted the dog, which caused it to disintegrate. Suddenly the entire pyramid began to shake, and beetles began to fall from the ceiling.

"Scarabs!" Harold shouted, as they all ran to the exit.

"YOU DUMBASS!" screamed Stan.

* * *

Meanwhile, Morty continued running for his life from the crazed guards. In his rush, he unknowingly stepped on a secret trap. A small chunk of the pyramid started to shift and formed what looked like a mini-elevator, which dropped down. Morty wasted no time in entering and getting the elevator to work.

* * *

Chris was waiting for the contestants to get out. He yawned as the intern filled his cup of tropical juice, which he began drinking, placing his feet on the back of another intern, who was sitting on four.

Suddenly, something rang, and Chris figured it was his cellphone. He picked it up and spoke.

"Hello, who is it?"

"Mr. McLean, sir, it's me, Corman. I'm calling to tell you that there is good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?" The host asked, until he noticed the intern looking at him. He placed a hand on the speaker, glaring at the intern.

"Do you mind? This is a private talk, so get out. You too!" he screamed at the two interns, who quickly ran out. Chris unblocked his cellphone.

"You were saying?"

"Oh yeah, you see, we're this close to digging out the tomb you requested us to excavate. It'll only take a few more days"

"How many?"

"Um, like three more days, i think."

"No matter, it's all the time i need" Chris calmly replied "And what's the bad news?"

"Well, there was an intrusion while we were working, and we think he is a spy sent to uncover the operation"

"A he? What did he look like?"

"We didn't get to see him, but some of our elite guards informed us that he was young, had a yellow shirt and brown hair"

 _'Must be that Morty kid, I should've known'_ Chris thought bitterly as he knew that the scrawny kid would report this to the authorities and put the show under investigation. He would make sure to blackmail him into silence later. On the bright side, though, he knew that without any concrete evidence, Morty would be dismissed as a lunatic.

"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of the problem. Thanks for informing me. Chris out."

"Roger that,"

And with that, Chris flipped the cellphone shut.

* * *

"Izzy!' Owen called, "Izzy!"

"Dude, she's lost, we gotta go," Noah noted.

"Oh, poor Iz," groaned Owen.

"Poor Iz?" Max asked, "That crazy bitch kept leading us in circles, all because she smelt something lucky."

"Uh, I think that might have been my fault," Owen laughed, "Airplane food."

"This happens every episode," Max asked Noah, "Doesn't it?"

"You catch on quick."

* * *

"Guys? Anybody?" Ezekiel called out, "An intercom? What the shizzle? Yo playas!" Ezekiel pressed a button on the wall causing a large pile of bandages plus a few artifacts to crush him.

* * *

Currently on the top of the pyramid stood Lindsey, Bridgette, Alejandro, and Bender. All four were looking down on the pyramid's side.

"It's too steep for me to carry you down," Alejandro explained.

"And I do better at going up than down," said Bender.

"There must be an easier way," said Bridgette, she then saw a conveniently placed sign next to her, with great swiftness, she pulled the sign out. This accidentally caused it to hit Tyler in the face, sending him tumbling down the pyramid once more.

* * *

Leshawna's group ran out of the pyramid and into the sun with Morty having caught up to them. There they saw Chris, still in Egyptian garb, standing at the finish line. They all crossed it signaling that they arrived first.

"Good work guys!" congratulated Chris.

"We're first?" DJ began, "We're first!"

"Alright, wicked ending for team one, which has almost all of its members."

"Almost?" Leshawna asked. She was answered when Chris angrily pointed to the three Eds.

"They went around," Chris seethed, "Which, while faster, was not interesting or funny at all."

* * *

Meanwhile, Brian's group was busy running from the lives from Izzy dressed as a mummy who was singing a weird song about Frankenstein's bride.

* * *

"Hey brickhouse, I found your girl," said Noah.

"Iz!" Owen said joyfully, "Say, you do make a cute mummy."

The mummy in question was actually Ezekiel covered in bandages but Owen didn't know that. Owen was about to kiss him when Ezekiel grunted in disgust, causing Noah and the rest of the group to widen their eyes in realization.

"That's not Izzy!" Noah shouted in fear, "Run!"

"Holy crap!" shouted Peter, "Let's get outta here!"

* * *

Back outside, Al, Bender, Bridgette, and Lindsey finished surfing down the pyramid on a road sign, just near the finish line.

"Awesome!" Bridgette cheered.

"Ladies, after you," Alejandro said as he gestured as both girls joined Team One.

When Bender and Al attempted to join them, Chris stopped them.

"Not so fast, this season, three teams!" Chris announced, "Bridgette and Lindsey round out team one, Alejandro and Bender, you're the first members of team two."

"In Egyptian its Eight-Nain," Harold informed.

"Nobody gives a crap," said Kyle who was annoyed by Harold's random facts.

"If it's any consolation, you get…" Chris began before Tyler tumbled to the ground like a rag doll.

"Uh…Tyler, is it?" Alejandro asked.

"Yep, and you also get…" Chris motioned to Homer and Izzy's group who were seen running out of the pyramid screaming in terror, "Ugly old guy, three fat guys, idiot redhead, sarcastic guy, horsehead, fast food monsters, Albert Einstein, and unholy ass. Congratulations."

"That's..." Alejandro said in apprehension, "Wonderful."

* * *

 **Alejandro:** #bleep# Que idiotas! #Bleep# Incompetentes! #bleep#!

* * *

Heather's group were the last ones to run out of the pyramid with Sierra in the lead carrying Cody for no reason whatsoever.

"Oh I'm so happy we found you, Heather aren't you so happy!" Sierra exclaimed.

"I'm so happy I could scream," Heather seethed.

After crossing the finish line, Sierra asked for a group hug, but conceded after Early threatened her at gunpoint.

"Sierra, go join Team 2," said Chris, "Heather, Cody, Brian, and the rest of you. You'll be on Team 3."

"Where's Gwen?," Cody noticed "Not like I care, just curious."

"You just keep telling yourself that, kid," said Carl.

"I'm telling you, we need to untie!" Gwen argued with Courtney on top of the pyramid.

"And I'm telling you that it's unsafe!" Courtney growled, "I'm in charge!"

"Oh, kids~!" Chris called over the microphone before ringing a familiar bell.

"This shit again?" Stan asked.

"Recognize that sound? Time for whoever's not finished yet to give us a little musical reprise!"

"You said one song per episode!" Duncan snapped.

"Yeah, and this is a reprise! Not a new song, just adding to the previous one! So if you don't sing, you're out! So let's hear it!" Chris called via megaphone.

"You know what? No!" Duncan snapped as he pulled the two girls down the pyramid with him, "No, no, no, no, no!" Three hours of these two squawking in this stupid pyramid in this stupid heat and now you want me to _sing_?! Forget it!"

"Dude, you have a contract," Chris pointed out.

"Eat it, Mclean!" Duncan snapped as he cut the ropes, "If you need me, I'll be in the plane waiting for a ride home because I'm out! Done! I quit!"

Courtney and Gwen gasped as Duncan headed for the plane.

Gwen lowered her head looking downtrodden.

"Hi," Cody said while offering Gwen a hand "Looks like we're teammates."

* * *

 **Cody:** Girls on the rebound are the best! They cry, you get to buy them a pop and listen. And then...well, they still won't go out with you, but you still buy them a pop!

 **Gwen:** I'm stuck in a team with the girl I hate, the helpless boy who has a crush on me, a cyclops, some old fat guy, a girl who claims to be Cody's fan, a talking dog, a matricidal baby, three squids that look like they lived in a trailer park, a psycho mantis, a mentally handicapped cat thing, and two kids who are probably the only normal ones here. I just hope that things don't get any worse. (Her eyes widen) No wait! I jinxed it.

* * *

Izzy soon came running out with Ezekiel in tow, they were both still covered in bandages.

"Izzy no!" screamed Owen.

"You're carrying the undead!" shouted Homer.

"It'll eat your brains," Peter screamed.

"Cool!" Izzy exclaimed before Ezekiel jumped out of her arms and took of the bandages.

"Thanks for all the help ya knobs!" Ezekiel said with an irritated look on his face.

"Izzy, you're joining Team Two," Chris said.

"Telatah," Harold informed.

"Oh my God, will you just shut the hell up already?!" Stan growled.

"Come on guy, after all this you gotta let me back in the game!" Zeke pleaded.

"Fine," Chris scowled as he pushed Zeke down, "But only because we're down a man thanks to Duncan McQuittypants, so go ahead and join Team One."

"Yes!" Ezekiel cheered.

"What? The weird goth girl, The Gwen-obsessed pervert, Miss CIT, psycho hose beast, and those freakshows? Are you kidding me?" Heather ranted.

"Hey lady, the rest of us ain't too thrilled about this either." Brian said annoyed.

"Can I switch teams? I just want to be as far away as possible from the idiots I'm stuck with," Zorak said.

"Rules are rules. No complaining."

* * *

 **Gwen:** It's official: God fucking hates me.

* * *

"Okay teams, talk amongst yourselves and determine a team name," Chris instructed, "You'll have three minutes while I enjoy…" he held up an ice cream cone, "…this ice cream cone."

"Team Victory!" Team One shouted, as a small trophy symbol appeared over their heads.

"Team Amazon!" Team Three shouted as a small Female symbol appeared over their heads, the guys looked pissed over the name.

"Why the hell are we called that?! There are more guys than girls on this team!" Brian demanded.

"Take a look at you guys, most of you are just little kids and animals," Heather pointed out.

"So that means that us girls are your superiors!" Courtney said arrogantly.

Needless to say the guys didn't take too kindly to those remarks and they silently swore revenge on Courtney and Heather.

* * *

 **Brian:** Oh it's on now.

 **Early:** How dare that bitch talk to me like that! That womer is so going on mah shitlist now!

* * *

The members of Team Two continued to discuss their name while Sierra was quiet.

"Got It! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot!" Sierra declared as a symbol with Chris' face appeared above their heads.

"What?" Team Two screamed at her.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Kenny muffled.

"All right!" Best team name ever!" Chris beamed with a thumbs up to Sierra, "And here are your rewards. Team Amazon, you win a camel! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really _Really_ Hot…"

"I think there only four 'Reallys'," Alejandro corrected.

"…You win a goat!" Chris finished, letting the goat plow into Tyler.

"And Team Victory? Here you go," Chris informed as he handed Leshawna a stick.

"So the guys who came in last get a camel and we get a _stick_?!" Leshawna demanded.

"What kind of bullshit is that?!" Stan shouted.

"All will be explained if I feel like it…next time! On Total! Drama! World Tour~!"

* * *

 _ **AN: Phew that took a while! Sorry for taking so long. Hope you all liked it.**_

 _ **Here are the teams:**_

Team Victory: _DJ, Bridgette, Leshawna, Harold, Lindsay, Ezekiel, Stan, Kyle, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Neil, Nikki, Bart, Hank, Dean, Morty._

Team Amazon: _Gwen, Heather, Courtney, Cody, Izzy, Brian, Stewie, Leela, Brak, Zorak, Carl, Meatwad, Early, Rusty, Granny, Huey, Riley._

Team Chris IRRRRH: _Alejandro, Noah, Owen, Tyler, Sierra, Peter, Homer, Cartman, Kenny, Rick, Bojack, Fry, Bender, Master Shake, Frylock, Granddad, Max._

 **Eliminated:** _Duncan **  
**_

 _ **Be sure to remember to write a review, also some suggestions for original challenges and locations.**_


	3. Walk Like an Egyptian Part 2

**_Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters used in this story._**

* * *

Last time on Total Drama World Tour, we dragged all of the teens on a world wide adventure spanning a summer and over twenty exotic locations. Our first stop was Egypt, where our three teams were formed. For Team Victory, there was D.J., Lindsey, Bridgette, Leshawna, Harold, Ezekiel, Stan, Kyle, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Bart, Morty, Neil, Nikki, Hank, and Dean. For Team I am So Crazy Hot, there was Alejandro, Owen, Noah, Tyler, Sierra, Max, Peter, Homer, Cartman, Kenny, Bender, Fry, Rick, Bojack, Shake, Frylock, and Granddad. And for Team Amazon: Courtney, Cody, Izzy, Gwen, Heather, Brian, Stewie, Leela, Carl, Meatwad, Early, Rusty, Granny, Brak, Zorak, Huey, and Riley.

Meanwhile, Alejandro used his personality and hot bod to get in close with several of the other girls, which makes him even cooler. Not to mention when I compare him to our other main new guy, Max, who is a complete asshole.

"Says the jackass that makes us do this crap!"

God I hate him.

Anyway, who will win the first elimination challenge?

Who will be the first off?

And, can I find a way to keep Max from making my life miserable?

Find out this and more on Total Drama World Tooooouuuuuuuuur!

* * *

 ** _*Cue Opening Theme*_**

* * *

"Aw look, team colors!" Izzy beamed as the three teams were either on a magenta mat (Team Amazon), a yellow mat (Team Victory), or a blue mat (Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot) with their prizes.

"Why the heck is our mat yellow?" Harold complained, "We're no cowards!"

"L-looks more like gold to me," Morty noted.

"You said it scrawny chicken leg boy, because Team Victory's in first place!" Leshawna smirked.

"I can't believe Duncan got disqualified," Gwen sighed, "Just cause he won't sing!"

"Uh, news flash goth broad, none of us wanted to," Zorak said which caused Gwen to glare at the mantis alien.

"Maybe he can't sing," Heather noted.

"Oh, he can do anything he sets his mind to," Courtney informed before frowning, "And now he's stuck on the plane, waiting for a ride home. Poor thing. He must be miserable."

"He seemed rather relieved to me," Huey noted.

* * *

Back on the plane, Duncan was relaxing in first class. As he drank a glass of juice, he began to hum 'Come Fly With Us.' Chris popped out from out of nowhere.

"Did I just hear you…"

"No."

"Cause it sounded like you were…"

"But I wasn't and I never will!"

Chris scowled. He made a 'I'm watching you' gesture at Duncan before leaving. Duncan smirked before going back to his drink.

* * *

"Duncan and Courtney fans will be devastated, but I think you and Owen will become the number one favorite couple on my Total Drama Fansite," Sierra complimented to Izzy.

"Owen's magic! When he breathes, his nose whistles Canada's national anthem!" Izzy beamed as Owen's nose was doing just that.

"Whoa, that is awesome!" Peter exclaimed.

"Super cute," Sierra noted as Cody walked by, "But he's no Cody. Did you know that Cody slept with a stuffed emu named Jerry until he was…" she took a deep breath, "Well, okay, he still does."

"And you know this _how_?" Noah asked.

"I called his aunt once. I pretended I was a telemarketer," Sierra explained as Frylock raised an eyebrow.

* * *

 **Frylock:** Looks like I'm going to have to help Cody file a restraining order against that crazy bitch.

 **Noah:** Cody, I feel sorry for you.

* * *

A gong interrupted all conversation after that. They turned to see Chef lowering some cymbals while Chris was sitting on two interns. A third was waving a leaf fan at him.

"Don't know about you guys, but I'm _loving_ Egypt!" Chris grinned as he ate a few grapes dropped into his mouth by another intern, "And I'm gonna love it even more while _you_ compete in your second challenge; the Amazing Camel Race!"

"That is both false and a rip off!"

"I hate you," Chris groaned.

"Where are the other camels?" Harold asked.

"There are no other camels," Chris explained, "It's a _Camel_ race, not a _Camels_ race.

"Yes!" Heather pumped her fist.

"What?!" Alejandro gasped.

"We won last time, but they get a camel, they get a goat, and we get a _stick_?!" Leshawna demanded.

"Just what the hell are you trying to pull here Mclean?!" Stan yelled.

"Each reward has its own advantages; trust me," Chris informed.

"Somehow, I doubt that," said Hank.

You'll be racing to the world's infamous waterway; the Nile," Chris explained, "Team must bring their rewards all the way to the finish. You have sixty seconds to strategize!"

"Move it people," Heather ordered as she got on one of the camel's humps, "It's a race."

Um, this is a team, not a dictatorship," Leela said with an irritated frown.

"Well, I'll stop being bossy when you start doing things right."

"Well, this isn't the first time I rode on a camel," Brian noted as he got up behind Heather.

I'm getting on the head," said Early as he crawled up the camel's neck and latched himself on top of the camel's head while Izzy hugged the camel's neck.

"Whee! Yeah, I get the front!" Izzy cheered before braying a bit," I just introduced myself in camel-ese."

"Does she always talk like that?" Huey said to Gwen.

"You have no idea."

* * *

 **Carl:** I forgot that this broad's nuts.

* * *

"So what do you think Chris has in store for us?" Leela asked.

"Probably something life threatening," Cody replied as he got up on the camel. He was about to try and flirt with Gwen before Leela grabbed him by his collar and pulled him up close.

"Keep it together lover boy or else," Leela threatened, "We got a challenge to win."

* * *

 **Cody:** Okay that new girl scares me, she's meaner than a snake. But I won't give up! I'll win over Gwen eventually. It's just a matter of time...and persistence...and humiliation. And I was born to be humiliated.

* * *

"We need no camel! We have each other and we are unstoppable," Alejandro informed Team CiRRRRH, "We have the will, and the strength, and together…we will triumph!"

Most of the team seemed to agree with him; however others were less than enthusiastic because they were either too oblivious or lazy to go along with it.

Rick was busy drinking whiskey from his flask, Cartman was eating a box of Cheesy Poofs that he snuck past customs, Peter was picking at his belly button, and Sierra was giving a neutral yet annoyed expression.

"We're doomed," Max moaned.

"You know Frylock, this would be a lot easier if you brought the cart with us, then we wouldn't have to walk!" Shake said, glaring at Frylock.

"The contract said that vehicles weren't allowed Shake! Besides, you need the exercise anyway!" Frylock replied angrily.

* * *

 **Sierra:** Okay, look, I'm the number one Total Drama Superfan. It says so right in my blog. But Alejandro? He's never even been on TV before. I've never seen _him_ in ' _Cute Teen Monthly._ ' I do not know what these girls see in him. They're loco.

 **Bridgette:** I really have to thank Morty. The guy's a good distraction from Alejandro's looks. Geoff, okay, I know that it looks bad, but Morty's been a good friend in helping me without even knowing it.

* * *

"What are we supposed to do with a freaking stick!" Leshawna shouted angrily, "I mean come on," she then swung the piece of wood around, "All you can do with this thing is use it as a club!"

"Stop that!" D.J. shouted, ripping it out of her hand, "You could hurt somebody with that thing," he then threw the stick into the air, only to here a whack, and see a seagull plummet to the Earth in a heap.

* * *

 **D.J.:** Dude! First I destroy a mummified dog, and then I assault a bird, man, I love animals, this would never happen back home!

* * *

"Or we could use it to look for the river," Double D informed as he took the stick.

"Say what now, sockhead?" Leshawna asked as Neil removed some of the excess branching to make it more like a 'Y.'

"It's a dousing rod, we can hold it by these two branches and it will lead us to a source of water," Double D explained.

* * *

kind-d hearted, it's hard not to li-like him. N-not to men-mention he's c-clever, strong, talented-d, (Sighs giddily) handsome…o-oh crud, I for-forgot we were filming th-this. Please-e d-don't sh-show this!

* * *

"No!"

"But why not?" Alejandro asked, using his arms to show Rick, Fry, Granddad Bojack, Cartman, Kenny, Tyler, Owen, and Noah already stacked on a goat. Currently, it was Max's and Peter's turn to get on the ride.

"I will not be put on that death trap," Max pointed, when suddenly the group fell, nearly crushing the goat.

"Maybe you have a point," Alejandro thought over, "But then what should we do."

"Obviously," Max then tripped Owen, Peter, and Homer who all fell to the ground on all fours, "We use the fat guys to transport us, considering they can probably carry all of us."

"Why do I not like this idea," Owen asked in fear, as some of them began to pile onto his back, and he strained under their weight.

* * *

 **Owen:** Man, I thought my workouts would make me strong, but to be able to carry them all! Wow.

 **Tyler:** Well at least I don't have Owen on my back.

* * *

"Aright! Nile's that-a-way!" Chris informed as he pointed in a direction, "Kinda big, blue, and watery. Can't miss it or…I guess you can, but then you'll die. Probably get killed by the local scarab beetles. It's mating season and they get all 'killy' when they're in heat."

"I'm glad there aren't any out here, those things are nasty," said Leshawna.

"I'll tell them you said so," Chris grinned as Chef pushed the vase over, releasing a swarm of angry scarabs upon everyone.

Everyone screamed and Tyler screamed like a girl as the beetles began to swarm. The two Interns Chris was sitting on were quickly engulfed and released, ending up as mere skeletons after ten seconds.

"You just had to say something didn't you?!" Kyle stated to Leshawna.

"How was I supposed to know Chris had an entire _vase_ full of scarabs?"

"The stick will save us, hop on guys! Go stick!" Lindsay shouted as she stood on the stick hoping it would move to no avail.

* * *

 **Neil:** She must have traded her brains for her chest.

* * *

"Everyone, the dousing rod is pointing in that direction!" Double D exclaimed while pointing at a sand dune.

"You heard sockhead, let's go!" Eddy shouted as Team Victory ran after Double D.

"Hey, wait up!" Heather called before a familiar ringing went off.

"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me…!" Stewie scowled.

"Ooh! Time for a song! Think of it as a mini-challenge," Chris explained, "Music can tame the savage mate-seeking scarabs. So, make up a good song and maybe they won't kill ya."

"But what about Team Victory?" Courtney demanded.

"They're out of range," Chris replied as he watched them go over a dune.

* * *

 **Heather:** We should have followed them!

 **Zorak:** I'm going to eviscerate Chris one day.

* * *

"So sing. Or don't…and get disqualified like Duncan," Chris continued.

"Yay!" Izzy cheered as everyone else groaned.

"All in favor of just getting this over with?" Huey asked.

"Aye," everyone replied as the music began to play.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** _No need to get crazy. It's lovin' time at last!_

 **Cody, Noah, Tyler, Bojack, Brian, Stewie, Homer, Fry, and Alejandro:** _You don't wanna eat us up._

 **Owen:** _We're mostly full of gas. No, no!_

 **Gwen, Courtney, and Heather:** _It's mating time for scarabs._

 **Leela:** _So, what'cha waiting on?_

 **Izzy and Nikki:** _Just ignore us humans!_

 **Everyone:** _And make out till the break of dawn!_

 **Alejandro and Cody:** _It's lovin' time_.

 **Gwen, Courtney, Leela, and Heather:** _Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

 **Alejandro:** _Scarab mating season._

 **Alejandro, Brian, and Cody:** _It's lovin' time_

 **Gwen, Leela, Courtney, and Heather:** _Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

 **Alejandro:** _Scarabs, get busy now..._

 **Max:** _It's lovin' time._

 **Gwen, Leela, Courtney, and Heather:** _Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

 **Everyone (except Leela, Gwen, Courtney, and Heather):** _Scarab mating season._

 **Cody:** _It's lovin' time._

 **Gwen, Leela, Courtney, and Heather:** _Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

 **Everyone (except Leela, Gwen, Courtney, and Heather):** _Scarab mating season!_

It was then Homer burped, ruining the song. The hearts that had formed in the eyes of the scarabs vanished quickly and they began to attack the retreating passengers. Kenny was unable to get away in time and was promptly devoured by the swarming insects.

"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" Stan shouted from a distance, seemingly aware of his friend's sudden demise.

"You Bastards!" Kyle chorused.

"Nice one," Chris grinned ignoring Kenny's seeming demise before turning on a klaxon, "Go!" he turned to the cameras, "Who else is gonna die? And who's going 'bye-bye?' Find out after the break on Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~ur~!"

* * *

"Faster, camel, faster!" Courtney ordered.

"Nah girl, that's not how you do it," Early said before pulling out his shot gun and begun to shoot rounds into the air, "Come on you damn camel, gitty yup!"

"How did he get that pass security?!" Gwen yelped.

"My daddy has his ways," Rusty replied.

"Shh! Guys, keep it down. I'm trying to read him a fairytale," Izzy informed as she began to bray once more.

"So how's it going back there, Cody?" Gwen asked awkwardly, looking at Cody while he rode behind Courtney.

"Not too bad," Cody replied before his rear got whacked by the camel's tail when it tried to hit a fly, "Yeow! Only problem is his tail when a fly lands on me. Thanks for asking!"

"We're going to go win the race now!" Heather waved at Team CiRRRH.

"Eat sand, losers!" Courtney called as Heather blew a raspberry at them.

Such witty remarks from such fiercely intelligent women. I'm both humbled and intrigued." Alejandro said while smirking suavely.

"Nice try, but I'm with Duncan," Courtney replied.

"And what a pity it is to give yourself to a quitter, who doesn't _deserve_ you."

"That's not…Duncan is totally…you're just…will someone hurry this camel up!" Courtney ordered flabbergasted by Alejandro's response.

"Ha! He got you good!" Stewie laughed.

Heather looked at the Latin boy, who simply winked at her. She snarled.

* * *

 **Heather:** Oh, he's good. Really good. Seriously, what is his deal? He's just so... perfect! Ugh!

* * *

"Can you see The Nile, Izzy?" Gwen asked.

"Why are you asking psycho bitch?" Brian asked.

"It's got to be around here!" exclaimed Courtney

"Too bad Chris didn't give us a map or even a compass, it would've made it easier" Cody complained. Most of the teenagers were horrified at the thought of going across the desert with no map or water. And Cody was one of them.

While the conversation went up, Alejandro looked at a side, and suddenly, his eyes went wide. He eyed at a sight of blue, which looked like a stream. It was the Nile River. He also saw Team Victory there, already the first ones to arrive.

"Hold on everyone, I'll change our route!"

As Alejandro swifted his hips from one side to the other, the goat guided them to the next part of the challenge. As soon as they were gone, Cody noticed something.

"Hey, where are they?"

The whole Team Amazon then noted that Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot was gone.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** Perhaps it would have been kind to show the girl's team which way to go... but you've seen my team. We need all the help we can get. I'm stuck with a know-it-all weakling, a human fart machine, two fat idiots, a pathetic excuse of an athlete, an alcoholic robot, a foul mouthed obese child, talking fast food, an insane fangirl, a mad scientist, a grouchy old man, a talking horse, and Fry. But that doesn't mean I have to put up with them. Just you wait.

* * *

"Uh guys, the other team is gone! We're all alone here!" Gwen announced.

"Does anyone know where we are?" Brian asked.

"Planet Earth silly," Izzy replied.

"Okay, anyone that's not a total lunatic?"

"It's official we're lost," said Stewie.

"Ain't that a bitch," Riley inputted.

* * *

Due to Double D's navigational skills, Team Victory were the first ones to arrive at the Nile River. the team could see that the finish line was on the _other_ side of the river and the fact that it was also infested with crocodiles.

"Alright, we made it here first!" Leshawna exclaimed.

"But the damn finish line is on the other side," Stan informed.

"Oh give me a break!" Eddy yelled.

a few moments later Team Chris arrived as well.

"That's the finish line! Owen exclaimed

"Yeah, on the other side! Noah added in annoyance.

"Welcome to the third part of the Egyptian challenge!" Chris announced from the other side.

Owen tried getting what Chris had just said, but it was too distant, "WHAAAT? SPEAK UP!"

All he heard was Chris talking gibberish, then turned to his teammates.

"What the did hell did he say?" Peter asked.

Chris, very annoyed with anger, snapped his fingers and signaled at Chef, who gave him a very big megaphone.

Chris, ticked off, grabbed his megaphone and shouted, "Welcome to your third challenge, Basket Cases!" he huge sound blast had blown Team Chris and Victory off their feet, "You must weave a basket of river reeds, across these alligator infested waters. Your basket must be big enough for your whole team, including your reward from the last challenge."

"Stupid goat," Max grumbled.

"Hey," Tyler shouted.

"I think he was talking about the goat," Al said, pointing at the actual goat.

"Oh."

"Moron," Bender muttered.

"AND YOU'RE GOING TO USE THE BASKET TOGETHER WITH THOSE OARS TO ROW YOURSELVES ACROSS THE FINISH LINE! The first team across flies to first class to our next destination."

"This is perfect!" Sierra cheered.

"What? The fact that we're hosed?"

"I'm a fourth-generation basket weaver!"

"Yeah!" Owen cheered.

"We're gonna need a lot of reeds," Sierra noted as she quickly began to collect the supplies.

"Ed, go do what she's doing!" Eddy ordered.

"Roger Wilko Eddy!" Ed exclaimed as he began to collect reeds as well.

* * *

Meanwhile, Team Amazon was in a never ending argument about which direction to take, and you couldn't really tell what they were saying between Heather's barking, Riley's bitching, and Early's wailing. But thanks to Brian's quick thinking, Team Amazon was soon going in the right direction.

When Team Amazon finally made it to the Nile, Heather was already not pleased with what they had to do. She was even less pleased when they saw Team Victory and Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot, and what they were making. Double D, Morty, Dean, Neil, DJ, and Harold were building their basket boat with all the reeds they could find.

"Basket-weave a boat! Aaaagh!"

"Ha! Who's happy to have just one stick now?" Eddy asked the girls tauntingly as they were building a battle ship sized boat.

"Sorry you guys are so far behind. Our baskets are nearly done already thanks to my speed weaving ," Sierra boasted.

"But you got Owen on your team. Lucky!" said Izzy.

"But you have Cody, I know Cody, I wish we were on the same team too," Sierra replied as she ran over to Cody and put him in a bear hug.

"Aw you guys are so cute together!"

"Maybe we can swap teams!"

It was then decided that Izzy and Sierra would switch teams, only because Team Amazon wanted Izzy off the team for obvious reasons and because Sierra was sucking up to Chris by telling him how great he was. Alejandro was adamant at first but reluctantly agreed. Heather was delighted at his dilemma, but it was soon short lived as Alejandro blew a kiss at her.

"Wow she's amazing," Courtney marveled at Sierra as she was quickly weaved the team's boat.

"Maybe you should think about listening a bit more to me this time around" Heather said in all confidence. This made her whole team burst into laughing. Alejandro watched from not so afar.

"Don't give up! We still have a shot at this!" Alejandro reassured them.

"Al's right! Thanks Al" Peter said while helping his team build the basket.

Alejandro began shivering at the mention of that name.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** I have no problem being called...Al. _/shudders/_ Uh, that wasn't... it's just... chilly... in here. _/shudders again, wraps his arms around himself, then looks around/_

* * *

Now Team Amazon didn't have to worry about building the boat. They did, however, have to worry about bringing their camel on. Cody, Stewie, Meatwad, Carl, Rusty, and Riley tried pushing the animal in while Brian pulled.

"Come on you stupid camel!" Brian said while pulling the camel's neck with a rope "Ugh, get into the boat!"

"This freakin' thing is more stubborn than any prostitute I've banged!" Carl said while grunting.

"Stubborn and lazy!" Cody added. He tried to push harder, but that was a mistake, as the camel groaned and went number three. Cut to the females who looked in disgust as Cody's moans were heard.

"Cody!" Sierra screamed.

"Good lord, that's disgusting!" Stewie shouted.

"Fine, we'll do it ourselves. Come on!" Gwen declared as they went up to the camel. Heather walked over to Gwen with a stern look on her face.

"You're not the leader Weird Goth Girl, at best, you are a troublemaker."

"Zip it, bitch! You want to win this or what?" Leela demanded.

"Well, I want to win first class, of course."

"Then I suggest you stop complaining and start to actually DO something," Huey said as the rest of the team tried pulling the camel onwards while Cody, whose face was covered in camel shit, collapsed to the ground.

Elsewhere, Team Victory and Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot have finished their boats and were ready to set sail with their more weightless rewards. The ships were made out of the remaining wood and tied together with reeds. They were about the size of Team Amazon's (if not a little bigger), but Team Chris Is Really Hot's (4x) did not have a room in the middle. There was also a small ramp that led up to it.

"To the water!" Alejandro commanded.

"It works! Awesome!" Owen laughed joyfully as Alejandro whistled for the goat to come. The mammal ran to to the Hispanic and hopped on his arms. As for Team Amazon, they were still trying to make the camel cooperate, but not even Leela's strength and skill was capable of lifting the quadrupedal beast.

"This is totally unfair! If it wasn't for that stupid slob, we'd be paddling across The Nile by now!" Heather screamed in frustration, which was loud enough for Alejandro to eavesadrop.

"We're going to win fair and square" Alejandro said "But to make sure you believe that, talk to the camel Izzy"

"Alejandro, are you crazy? Izzy's on OUR team, not theirs" Noah commented as he viewed the tall teen suspiciously.

"Noah's right, why should we help the enemy?" Courtney questioned.

"Because an unfair victory is not much worth. Now Izzy."

"Okay" the crazy girl then began making camel speech, which soon made the mammal comply and walk forwards to Team Amazon's boat. Soon, the three teams began their race by rowing.

"You know, Chef, I think this challenge is too simple for them." Chris told his partner in crime.

"I believe so." he replied. With a whistle, the host called out, holding up the control remote "You want to know what _this_ does?"

Several of the contestants balked when they saw Chris raise his finger towards the button.

"No, Chris, don't do it!"

"For the love of God, I beg of you!"

"Have mercy, man!"

"MOOOOOMMMMMMAAAAAA!"

Too late. He pressed the button. Suddenly, the unexpected happened. Instead of crocodiles resurfacing, what they heard was a BOOM! That made the boats lose balance, while everyone collided with each other.

Then it hit them. Chris put a mine field int he river!

"A mine field? Chris is insane!" Peter shrieked.

"You're just now realizing this?!" Noah hollered as he began fearing for his life.

"BETTER HURRY UP, BECAUSE ITS SUDDEN DEATH FROM HERE ON!" Chris announced.

"Quick Team Chris, for victory!" Alejandro declared as he and his teammates rowed faster.

Team Victory's boat noticed the boat speeding ahead of them. Bart looked at Alejandro on top of the hut on their boat, waving tauntingly at him while yawning. Bart snarled.

"After them!" Bart commanded. Their boat soon began following Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot's boat. Bart ordered his teammates to speed up and they complied, now both ships were neck to neck.

t was then that the teams heard a loud splash. They decided to have a look over to the source, just barley behind their boat. Team Victory could just see a giant stone sinking in the water, and it seemed to have hit close enough to barley graze a small section of their boat. Morty and Harold looked up and they saw Team Amazon was right behind Team Victory, and Leela was now lifting another one of the three giant stones on to a catapult Stewie had built. Morty looked in despair about what would happen next, then he looked down the bows and packs of arrows Bart had made earlier. He took them and went to his teammates.

"Load all these bows up with arrows, and start firing at Team Amazon's ship!"

"But they have a catapult. We won't be able to beat that!" DJ said.

"We don't have to fire at them. Rather, _beneath_ them" Bart corrected about his strategy. It didn't take long for Bridgette to figure what the prankster meant.

"What? But that would be crossing the line, Bart! They're gonna die if that happens" she exclaimed in panic.

"They're not going to die and we don't have to kill them. We just need to keep them busy"

Luckily for Team Victory, Morty, Nikki, Hank, Stan, Kyle, and Harold had a perfect aim with arrows, but the thing is, Leela was on the point of Team Amazon's boat, using her wrists to block out the arrows like some Xiaolin monk. Then Eddy decided to follow Bart's tactic and shot a stone-pointed arrow at the river, right behind the opposite team's boat.

"Ha, you aim is lousy, little man," Leela boasted.

"Wasn't pointing at you, sweetheart," the former scam artist replied. Down below, the arrow shot was slowly going down to a bomb which, upon a minimal contact, made a BOOM! It then occured to Team Amazon that the arrows were shot into the bombs, making them explode. Team Amazon's boat began shaking while the big waves allowed Team Victory to go forwards.

Heather was the first to recover and, upon opening her eyes, she looked scared when she looked over at the other boat. The bows had _packs_ of arrows now.

"FIRE!" Bart commanded.

Suddenly, the packs of arrows slid out of their reeds after being launched, and soon after there was a huge mass of the projectiles heading right at the boat.

"Another arrow storm. Really?" Was all Gwen could say before Team Amazon had a much bigger barrage to deal with. The team quickly moved behind the camel for protection. Alejandro saw this from his team's boat and used the chance to go ahead.

"Come on team! While they're distracted, we get to the finish line!"

"Aye, captain!" Owen exclaimed before he and his teammates began rowing faster. Leo noticed this.

"Hey, don't let them get away!" Rick commanded. Team Victory reached up to Team Chris Is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot again.

"They're following us!" Cartman exclaimed.

"What do you have in mind, oh glorious leader?" Max snarkily said in one of the absolute worst times.

"We need a distraction" Alejandro suggested.

"Like what?" Fry asked.

"Izzy, stand on the other end of the boat, while Bender, Tyler and I set up this" he said as he pulled what appeared to be a rather large elastic waistband.

"What's that?" Tyler asked.

"The key to our victory" Alejandro replied as he, the musician and the sporto prepared the waistband. Izzy came forwards and positioned herself in the middle.

"On my signal, one... two... THREE, FIRE!"

They released the waistband, which propelled the girl so fast it looked like she was fired out of a canon. Izzy flew over to the other ship and, making a few pirouettes like a ninja, she jumped on the boat's hut.

"Tally hoo, tally hoo, bet you can't catch me, fools!" she cackled as she pulled something out of her skirt. It was a set of small bombs.

"Quick, disarm her before she blows us all to hell!" Bart ordered. DJ and Ezekiel tried to catch on the crazy girl, but she was too quick for them. While running, she threw the bombs at her persecutors, and they made tiny explosions, which managed to scare the gentle giant and the prairie boy. She blew a raspberry at them while climbing back to the hut, and shook her butt at them. She then heard someone clearing his throat, so she looked up to see Harold giving her a death glare while holding his num-chuks.

"Prepare to be defeated, redheaded demon!" he declared while making a pose "Get out of this boat and you shall be spared. Refuse and prepare to be destroyed!"

"Surrender? To a mortal?" she cackled before scoffing "Destruction it is"

We get a close up of her eyes narrowing in a threatening manner, like in the kung fu movies.

 _"Oh crap, she's not serious"_ Bridgette thought fearfully. She was concerned about what Izzy may had in that wicked mind of hers. Most at all, she was concerned about what could happen to Harold. Izzy pulled a pocket knife out of her cleavage (don't ask how) and got it close to her face. She licked the not pointy part of the blade without getting her tongue sliced and pointed it in Harold's direction. They charge up to each other.

They begin fighting. Izzy tries to slash Harold but he evades and he tries to knock Izzy, who also dodges, they continue to fight and clash knife with num-chuks. Izzy manages to get the upper hand and starts to pummel Harold.

"Somebody do something!" Bridgette screamed.

"Crazy girl ain't killin' my man!" LeShawna hollored as she went up to the lunatic redhead and prepared to pummel her. Unfortunately, Izzy turned around and began fighting LeShawna while holding Harold in a head lock.

"Continue to row, my comrades" Alejandro shouted "We're close to victory"

It was then that they heard another loud splash. They decided to have another look over to the source, just barley behind their boat. Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot turned around and saw Team Amazon using the catapult.

"How are we going to beat that?" Courtney questioned.

"I got this," Leela said as she pulled the lever down, releasing the huge rock.

Alejandro saw the rock coming to him, eyes widened.

"Quick! Evasive maneuvers! Turn to the right! Tyler, Peter, Homer, Fry, Max, Noah, we need to put more effort and ROW!"

Team Chris Is Really Hot (4x) complied and tried to turn to the right, but to no avail. The boulder splashed behind the boat and then, another bomb exploded, making the boat go forwards with the waves. On the other hand, Team Amazon was pushed away by the waves. Heather was the first to notice that they were behind.

"We need to reach them now!" Heather exclaimed as she went forwards the catapult "Give me that! I'm going to sink the damn boat!"

"Are you insane?" Gwen asked as she tried to push Heather away from the lever "You're going to get us all killed!"

"Step away, Weird Goth Girl!" the queen bee snapped "I did not come across a long way in this damn desert in this stupid heat just to lose!"

They were struggling to take the lever away from the other, but sadly, this proved to be a mistake, because in the struggle, they turned the catapult to the opposite side and, in their carelessness, pulled the lever. The giant boulder was propelled to the other side of the river and sunk. It touched another bomb, which made the boat tremble and everyone held tightly to the sides. This made the catapult launch another boulder, which was sent flying very far into the air, land-crushing right into the entrance of the pyramid. Crashing into the entrance, the boulder rolled around in the hallways a la Indiana Jones, until it eventually hit an unexpected destination.

The excavating site where the miners were working.

The boulder came crashing in, which caught the attention of the workers. When it came down, some of them stepped out of the way, screaming and waving their hands. Soon, the boulder crashed down into one of the machines. It breaks upon impact with the ground. An explosion ensued.

Everyone began running, but the explosion bits caused the other machines to explode, and the inside of the caves began crumbling as well, eventually collapsing as some of the boulders fell on the unfortunate workers. The administrator, however, managed to escape and pulled his cellphone, frantically pushing numbers.

* * *

Meanwhile, outside in The Nile, where Chris and Chef were sitting and waiting for the teenagers to finish, they were drinking beverages while the poor interns (including the skeleton) were being used as footstools. Suddenly, Chris's phone rang again, so he picked it and flipped it open.

"This is Chris McLean speaking"

"MR. MCLEAN! Thank goodness you're there! We have a BIG problem here!"

The host raised an eyebrow.

"Could you speak with a little more calmness and dignity please?" Chris said while shaking his head "What kind of problem are you talking about? And why the heck are you screaming?"

"Because the base of operations is collapsing, WITH US INSIDE!"

Chris's eyes opened wide shot.

"How is it even possible?"

"I don't know, it's just that a big rock came out of nowhere and everything turned into chaos!"

Chris didn't like the sound of that, for he knew how it was possible now.

"And the remains I ordered you to extract?"

"If it's even possible, we may be able to-OH GOD!"

A crashing sound was heard from the other line, making Chris cringe. The line was cut off, then left a very long blip. Chris shook the cellphone.

"Corman? CORMAN? Are you there? Speak to me!"

"What's wrong, Chris?" Chef asked in boredom. Chris, fearing the cook may figure something out, decided to lie.

"Oh nothing, it's just a very urgent business that requires my presence, once this challenge is over."

Behind Team Amazon, another bomb exploded, this time right beneath the boat, which of course blew the thing up to Heavens, and launching the five girls, five boys, six talking animals, pile of hamburger meat, and camel into the air. They all screamed as they plummeted and fell to the water. Luckily, they were near the shore and ran up with their reward (with Leela using her upper body strength to carry the camel), crossing the finish line. All of them jumping out with loud cheers, they almost danced with delight. As Team Amazon calmed down a little as far as fights and glomping was concerned, Team Victory pulled up.

Team Victory and Team Chris is Really Hot (4x) came in later. LeShawna was soaking wet, and the humidity turned her hair into an afro, while the others were drying themselves up. Hank took off his ascot and wrinkled it hoping to get the water out. Bridgette twirled a broken paddle around and then threw it back in the river. Morty was stretching and discarding a broken bow, and DJ was fretting, hoping no one would notice he lost the stick.

Team Chris was Really Hot (4x) managed to get off mostly unscathed. The girls were wringing their hair out. The boys were slightly shaken by the experience.

"Congratulations! Not only are you alive, but you have won the first challenge of the season!" the host complimented. "Team Amazon takes the win, despite resorting to brutal tactis. And as long as you had your rewards, nobody is going to the elimination room!"

"Asshole!" Stan shouted.

"Psycho," Eddy growled.

"Maniac" Noah grumbled.

"I lost the stick when we were on that river, sorry eh," Ezekiel apologized.

"YOU WHAT?!" Eddy shouted.

Chris chuckled, "Wow. Sucks to be you."

* * *

"Team Victory, you came in second by just a nose, but you lost your reward," Chris noted in the Elimination Ceremony's room on the plane as it began to fly before narrowing his eyes at Ezekiel, " _Ezekiel._ So it's Vote Time! Up in the Loser Class bathroom, you'll find seventeen passports."

"Unless Ezekiel fed them to a crocodile already," Harold pointed out as he glared at Ezekiel.

"He was only trying to protect us from being eaten," Dean noted, "And he did apologize."

"But he still lost the stick!" Eddy frowned.

"Stamp the passport of the team member you would like to send home. Got it?" Chris asked Team Victory, specifically… "Lindsey?"

"Of course! I _so_ get it!" Lindsey replied.

* * *

 **Lindsey:** _/stamps every single passport with glee/_

 **Ezekiel:** / _shows DJ's passport and stamps it/_

 **Leshawna:** Well, the little guy _did_ point out that Ezekiel was just trying to help the team _and_ that he was completely sorry for losing it. But still… _/sighs before stamping Ezekiel's passport/_

 **Eddy:** / _stamps Ezekiel's passport/_

 **Kyle:** There's no room for dumbasses on this team. / _stamps Ezekiel's passport/_

 **DJ:** / _looks at the passports before Chris opens the door and taps his watch/_

 **Harold:** / _holds up Ezekiel's passport and stamps it/_

 **Bridgette:** / _finishes putting eyeliner on before looking at the three passports before her stamps Ezekiel's passport/_

 **Double D:** I apologize, but you have to go / _stamps Ezekiel's passport/_

 **Stan:** I'm still pissed off at DJ for making those scarabs fall on us / _stamps DJ's passport_ /

 **Ed:** Hi Mom!

 **Hank:** Sorry dude, nothing personal _/stamps DJ's passport/_

 **Dean:** / _stamps DJ's passport/_

 **Bart:** Even I'm not that dumb _/stamps Ezekiel's passport/_

 **Neil:** _/stamps passport/_

 **Nikki:** _/has fallen asleep/_

 **Morty:** _/stamps passport/_

* * *

"I've got the results of your votes right here," Chris informed as he held up 16 passports, "Those staying in the game will get in-flight snacks. Mmm~ Barfy! The following passengers are safe: Leshawna, Harold, Bridgette, Ed, Double D, Stan, Kyle, Lindsey, Eddy, Bart, Neil, Nikki, Morty, Dean, Hank and… The last bag of Peanuts goes to…"

DJ gulped as a cold sweat broke out on his face. Ezekiel trembled in his seat before Chris tossed the peanut bag to…

"DJ!"

"What?!" Ezekiel exclaimed as Chris tossed him a parachute.

"You've got five seconds to strap this on or the Drop of _Shame_ will become the Drop of _Pain_!"

"Yo! That's unbelievable! Some team!" Ezekiel snorted.

"I voted for DJ," Stan, Hank, and Dean pointed out.

"It's true," Chris noted.

"Well, good on ya three, eh," Ezekiel nodded, "The rest of you are a bunch of a-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

The screaming was caused by Chef booting him out literally. Chris chuckled.

"I _knew_ that would be satisfying," Chris beamed.

* * *

 _ **Outside**_

"I'm not going anywhere! This game is mine, eh!" Ezekiel screamed as he held onto the tail of the plane for his life, "Mine!"

* * *

"Sucks to be Zeke," Duncan smirked.

"Last stop for non-competitors!" Chris informed as he handed Duncan a parachute.

"Yeah, right. You're supposed to give me a ride home."

"Yes, but we're going the other way so..." suddenly, Chris gave the criminal a strong push, "Happy Landings!" he called out.

Duncan began screaming as he plummeted down below. He was so panicky and disoriented by Chris' action that he didn't have time to pull his parachute, least of all put it on. Duncan finally got his parachute open...but only to get it caught in a tree where he hung with a swarm of scarab beetles awaiting him below.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** Losing Sierra to Heather? Eh, tragic. But I still have the upper hand; the president of Cody's fan club doesn't know a thing about _me_. No one does. Nor does she know about those other new contestants. And I intend to keep it that way. Because compared to _me_ , Heather's a _saint_!

 **Rick:** So that Mexican asshole thinks he's *burp* in control huh? Wait until he gets a load of _me!_

* * *

"Oh, finally, a pair of _real_ competitors! Where will out next destination take us?" Chris asked, wearing a pilot's outfit in the cockpit with Chef, "And will Owen get over his fear of flying?" he paused as he heard Owen screaming until a frying pan hitting something went off followed by a loud thud, "Find out next time on Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~ur!"

* * *

 _ **Later that night...**_

Chris walked in the plane's hallways, making a beeline to his private quarters. Once he arrived to his door, the host looked sideways to make sure no one was following him. After confirming the coast was clear, Chris started pressing some numbers, writing 4377590, then placed his hand on the scanner and it started flashing green. He did the same with his right eye, which the scanner also flashed.

"Recognize 0.1, aka Chris McLean" a feminine recording said. The door slid open and the host entered. Moving forwards to his desk, Chris turned to his computer and pressed a button. Soon, a few screens came out of the ceilings and formed around the host in a circular way. The screens activated and presented dark figures on them. These guys are known (at least by outside sources and conspiracy nuts) as The Council.

"Chris Mclean, you require an audience with the Council?" the front screen, which was clearly showing the leader, questioned in a deep, raspy menacing voice.

"Yes. Very sorry to disturb you at this late hour your Eminence, but-"

"Just make your point." A voice with an noticable Korean accent ordered.

"Of course." Chris complied somewhat sheepishly before clearing his throat "Well, we had a report about our excavation crew, who were supposed to be extracting the remains of the pharaoh Garan Set **(1)** , but unfortunately they seemed to have died under... unknown circumstances. But we were confirmed that the reason was because the pyramid they were in, and that was used for today's challenge of Total Drama World Tour, collapsed underneath, taking our crew along with the remains. It will take months, maybe even years to search for those remains."

"And the reason why it collapsed?" one council member asked.

"Well, apparently the pyramid was destroyed from the inside out when the huge boulder thrown by Team Amazon clashed with the entrance and made its path of destruction."

"Such a pity. If not for those meddling teenagers, we would have gained access to Garan Set's secrets of power and immortality," Another council member said in a voice that was clearly feminine.

"Well, what should I do with the contestants once the show is over?" Chris asked. A momento of silence filled room as the others figures stared at the host intently, as if they were analyzing him. The silence continued until His Eminence spoke.

"Clone them" He suggested.

"The substitutes will serve the Council, and only the Council," His Eminence said.

"And as for the originals?" Chris asked again.

"Dispose of them. Leave no trace."

Chris' frown slowly turned into a wicked grin, which expanded to his cheeks.

* * *

 _ **AN: Well, looks like there's more going on here than we thought. What will this mean for the competition going forward? You're just going to have to keep reading to find out. Ezekiel's still eliminated but that doesn't mean he'll turn feral like in the actual show. You'll see why in upcoming chapters.**_

 **(1)** _**Garan Set is a mummy EVO seen in the Generator Rex episode Riddle of the Sphinx. I'm not entirely using him as a plot arc, rather just one of a series of dominoes destined to fall as the story goes.**_

 _ **Eliminated:**_ _Duncan, Ezekiel_

 _ **Like always, please remember to leave a review and also your own suggestions for new challenges and locations!**_


	4. Super Happy Crazy Fun Time Japan

Last time on 'Total Drama World Tour'…" Chris began as he walked into First Class, "Egypt…Land of the Pyramids." He waved a hand before his face as he slumped over, "Land of Hot." He straightened up, "Land of Sweaty!" clips of the previous chapter began to play, "Our contestants had loads of fun, on the run, in the sun. _And_ they still found time to sight see a pyramid, chat up a camel, feed the crocs, and whack a few of them. Showing style on the Nile, Team Amazon managed to pull out a win; Billy became our first newbie to bite the dust and Zeke actually managed to unlose for once, shocker!. And as the sun began to set on the sandy…sands…of Egypt, we found out what happens to someone refuses to get along and sing the song." It changed to Chris in his pilot outfit in the cockpit with Chef, "But this week? Who's gonna sing? Who's gonna dare? Who's gonna sell out their friends for a chance at one…million…dollars? Welcome! To Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~ur!"

* * *

 ** _*Cue Theme Song*_**

* * *

In the Economy Class, both Team Chris and Team Victory were both trying stand the awful conditions this room had, but that proved to be useless.

"I'm too young to die!" Owen screamed as he was strapped up in Coach.

"Stop sweating, lunchbox. Air travel is the 15th most safest mode of transportation, unless you're in a death trap," Noah informed.

Almost as if Murphy had misheard it, a nearby boarded up wall collapsed and began to suck everything out that wasn't nailed down.

Everyone screamed as they struggled to not get sucked out of the plane.

"This is not the way Leshawna's leaving this world!" Leshawna yelled.

She would have been sucked out if Alejandro didn't grab her hand at the last second, "Such beauty will not fall through giant plane holes on my watch!" he exclaimed.

What saved everyone from an untimely demise was Owen being sucked in and sealing the hole with his massive girth.

"I could've done that, I just prefer to leave the ladies wanting more," said Harold.

"Oh she wants more alright. More Alejandro," DJ retorted.

"Heh, DJ you know nothing about women," Harold scoffed.

"What makes you such an expert?" Stan asked.

"I know enough to make the speechless with my mad skills," Harold said.

"You can put me down now, I mean if you wanted or not, your choice because this is nice," Leshawna nervously said to Alejandro.

"Yeah, nothing," Kyle said sarcastically.

"Not that this isn't fascinating and all but MY BUTT IS BEING SUCKED OUT OF A PLANE!" Owen screamed.

* * *

Meanwhile Team Amazon were enjoying their time in the First Class cabin, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, and Leela were busy lounging around on the seats. Brian, Carl, and Early were at the bar, Granny was taking a nap while still hanging from her walker, Stewie and Zorak were getting foot massages, Sierra was digging around in Cody's backpack for some creepy reason. Meatwad was dancing, Huey and Riley were currently having a conversation, and Brak was singing some random song much to everyone's annoyance.

"I happen to like winning and being in first class which happens to make me an ideal leader," Courtney said smugly.

"Oh please, like you've done anything to contribute to this team so far," Leela replied. A bit irritated at the CIT's attitude.

"It's not like we need a leader, since we did so well in the last challenge," Brian stated.

"Well I have plans to have us keep winning all the time, so think about me as leader."

"You know you're not the only one on this team you delusional bitch," said Zorak.

"Like my friend Sierra for example," said Heather as she looked over to Sierra who was sniffing Cody's shoe.

"Uh, your "friend" is going through Cody's stuff like your typical psycho stalker," Stewie pointed out.

Everyone didn't know whether to be disgusted by the fact Sierra was going through another person's belongings or her having a shoelace up her nose.

"Anyway, who's going to be the leader?!" Courtney began.

"I nominate Leela," Sierra informed.

"But…" Courtney began.

"Seconded," Brian quickly spoke up, winking at Gwen.

"Third," Gwen added.

"No way!" Heather argued, "If anyone should be leader, it should be me!"

"No, me! Courtney informed.

* * *

 **Cody:** There's gonna be a catfight. I just know it.

 **Chef:** Oh? Want me to record it for later?

 **Cody:** Maybe. But I'll have to find a way to pay you for it, right?

 **Chef:** _/chuckles/laughs/_ Yep.

* * *

"Personally, I'd rather just get through with it all until the merge," Brian rolled his eyes.

A blaster shot was heard as Heather and Courtney turned to see Leela holding a smoking blaster while glaring at them, "I'm the leader, _got it_?"

"Y-Yes ma'am!" both gulped.

* * *

 **Courtney:** _/scared/_ That…was…scary.

 **Heather:** Okay. People say that I'm scary? / _scoffs/_ Well, you take a look at her and you'll see scary.

 **Leela:** I want to be the leader since I'm the only here who has any real experience being one.

* * *

Sierra got closer to Cody's backpack before a laser zipped by her head, she turned to see Leela giving her a warning glare.

"If you feel uncomfortable around her, just let me know and I'll stop her," Leela explained.

"Thanks, Leela," Cody smiled

"It's no problem," Leela replied.

Meanwhile Huey and Riley were busy discussing what would happen if they somehow made it to the finale.

"Yo man, what happens if both of us were tied to get the money? Would you split it with me?" Riley asked Huey quietly, who was drawing something.

"Man, I'm not sure yet, we just started. Remember when we was watching the first season of this show? And all that stuff happened between people?" replied Huey.

"Oh, you mean like aliases!" Riley exclaimed.

"Alliances," Huey corrected.

"Yeah yeah that! Maybe I can get all them girls to like me, than they fall for me and they gotta get they asses kicked up outta the plane when they lose, I'll be nearer to that money!" said Riley.

"I don't know about that, people find romance on this show sometimes and when I looked how those other kids were acting, it looked like true love," Huey deduced.

"Man forget this shit, you're making me sick!" Riley yelled disgusted.

 _"This is your captain speaking"_ Chris informed over the PA " _I would like everyone to meet me in the common area. And I mean everyone!"_

* * *

"Welcome to today's challenge," Chris began, only to be caught off by Harold.

"Is it a reward, or an elimination challenge?" he asked.

"Good question Harold," Chris said, "And like I'm gonna tell you."

"It's probably reward," Tyler pointed out, only for all to hear the audible slap of Max's hand on his face.

* * *

 **Max:** Really, really, you honestly think that saying this is gonna be a reward is not going to just go ahead and make sure that it's a freaking elimination. Really? God damn these idiots. They should be given a reward for sucking…ASS!

* * *

"Well I hope you all brought your giant radioactive monster repellent," Chris joked, "Cause today, we are having our challenge in the legendary nation of Japan." Suddenly Chef burst through the door, wearing an orange monk outfit, and sword.

"Geez Chef," Harold groaned, "That's a Chinese outfit."

"That is true," Double D added, "Traditional Japanese outfits mostly resemble gi's. "

"Thank you, Japanese geeks," Harold simply glared at the host, while Double D looked down in embarrassment, "Now remember, any one who doesn't sing-"

"I mean," Harold continued, "You think that-" Suddenly, Max came from behind and wacked him upside the head with a frying pan, surprising everyone.

* * *

 **Max:** Do they never learn? I mean, you have two sadists who consider themselves musical geniuses hosting this shit shoot of a show. And does he learn to think through his comments. No, that Napoleon Dynamite rip off just goes around mouthing off and annoying them. Is he high? Does he not realize that what he says may have an adverse affect on all of us? Is he truly that _… (We can not repeat the next statement, as it is considered offensive to all people who can understand English. Please watch this soothing scene instead)_

 _(Shows a Koala eating a leaf)_

 **Max:** …And that is why I believe we should throw Harold to hyenas.

* * *

"Welcome to the actual location of our challenge," Chris laughed, as the campers all piled off the plane, and into a small indoor walkway, which lead into a building.

"Why can't we see anything?" Owen asked.

"Because," Chris suddenly began to count down from three with his fingers, "Welcome to Majide Time!"

Suddenly the entire building lit up revealing a large crowd of Japanese patrons clapping loudly. Then, if that alone was not enough to cause them to fear for their lives, they were horrified when they was the host. He had long, well groomed black hair, which seemed to be gelled excessively, a blue shirt with many pockets, brown cargo shots, a five o' clock shadow, and a sadistic smile. Yes, it was the most horrific thing on Earth…A JAPANESE CHRIS MCLEAN!

Suddenly, the Japanese Devil incarnate said something, causing the entire audience to burst out laughing.

"Well that was rude," Double D frowned, as he, Al, and Frylock, who all knew Japanese, were shocked to hear the insults coming their way.

"In today's challenge," Chris said, "Each team will send up a one contestant at a time. My buddy over there will spin the," Suddenly a giant wheel descended from the ceiling, "Wheel of HIDEOUS SCREAMING PAIN!," all the contestants looked on in fear, "and the three will compete with each other to earn their team a point," Suddenly, three meters fell from the roof, revealing the log's of the teams next to large upright rectangles divided into three blocks, "When a team reaches three points, they win immunity, as well a first class ticket to our next destination. The team with the next highest amount of points does not have to send anyone, while the one with the fewest points does."

"It's Majide TIME!"

They all turned to see the spinner rounding the options, as they noticed that it began to slow down, they looked at one another, trying to decide who would face one another.

"Might as well get this over with," Gwen volunteered as she went first.

"Oh," Brak said excitedly, "Let me go, this sounds fun!"

"No way," Kyle said, "I don't trust anything that looks like Chris McLean, and none of these challenges sound too inviting."

"That goes double for me," Max said.

"But," Double D pointed out, "I don't enjoy physical activity, so I can't go either."

"I really don't want to go this time," Fry said.

"Um," Owen said, "I just ate."

"These shows usually have sporty themes," Noah stated, "And I have no talent at sports."

"Oh," Harold shouted, " I can-"

Suddenly, the spinner finally stopped, and it stopped on a small bear head. The crowd roared, as a giant TV screen blared on and suddenly, a gaint panda appeared on the screen.

"PANDA BEAR PANIC!" The Japanese Chris shouted.

* * *

 **Neil:** Panda? PANDA?! THERE ARE NO FUCKING PANDA'S IN FUCKING JAPAN! ARE YOU HIGH?! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, CAN'T THESE PEOPLE KNOW THEIR OWN NATURAL ECOSYSTEM?! IS SOME COMPETENCE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!

* * *

"In Panda Bear Panic," the Chris knock off explained, "You all will attempt to capture bamboo from the cute little panda bear cubs."

Suddenly, the floor opened up, revealing a small hill, with four cutesy Pandas sitting and munching on some bamboo. They rolled around, wrestled each other, and were just all around cute and huggable.

"Aw!" the entire cast cooed. Suddenly, a Japanese intern, holding another packet of bamboo, walked up to them. They suddenly growled, jumped on top of him, and proceeded to scratch his face.

"Aw," Chris cooed, while the rest of the cast backed away in fear, "Cute!" he then turned back to the objects of his sadism, "Now you three get your butts in there," All three raised their hands, "And no, none of you can have protective padding."

All put their hands down.

* * *

"Oh man," Gwen groaned as she and the others hid behind a bush that had been provided by the Japanese staging crew, "We're gonna get killed."

"Hey," Harold said, "We can't give up now. Come on, I'm sure we can sneak some of the bamboo if we go really quietly."

Harold calmly walked out from the bush, and tip-toed up near the bears. Hiding behind another bush, he reached out, and calmly reached for the bamboo. Finally, when the Panda's weren't looking at him, he snatched away a piece.

"Yes!" Harold shouted, "I got it!"

This of course, caught the attention of the Panda cubs, which pounced on the energetic camper. As his screams ripped through the air, the Japanese crowd cheered with sadistic glee as both of the other representatives tried to find a way out of the competition. When the host simply pointed towards the bamboo, they both sighed and walked up the hill, meeting two interns carrying a heavily injured Harold down towards the infirmary at the half way point.

"Um," Fry said, looking at the growling Panda's, before turning back to Gwen and motioning with hi arms, "Ladies first?"

"BOO!" the heard the entire audience scream, and suddenly Tyler's image appeared as a giant baby soiling himself on the screen.

"Alright, alright," Fry groaned, "I'll do it!"

The jock calmly walked up to Panda's who were glaring at him with disdain. He then put his hands up, as he walked inch by inch closer to the bamboo.

"Hey there little guys," he laughed, "I'm just going to be taking some of this here bam-ah!" One of the Pandas pounced at him, and he barely dodged them. Just as they began to attack in full force against Fry, he was greeted by the absolutely worst bit of timing imaginable.

 **DING!**

"Seriously?" Fry asked, as he stopped in mid dodge, and Pandas in midair of their pounce, "I mean, seriously?"

"Yep," Chris said, "But to make things fair, only you and Gwen have to sing this one, since you're in the challenge."

"How is that fair?" Gwen asked in anguish.

"It's not," Chris smirked, "But since when do I give a crap about that?"

"But I don't know any Japanese!" Fry screamed.

"Then just do a Disney song or something!"

Fry looked down in contemplation for a moment, before a light bulb lit up in his mind.

"Listen here Gwen," Fry said, "All we gotta do is…"

Suddenly, the world became covered in trees, Fry appeared in a bear cloth cloak, the Pandas fell to the ground, and Gwen was in a loincloth two-piece.

"Why do we always have to have fan service," Gwen groaned.

" _Look for the," Fry continued, clapping his hands together loudly, "Bare Necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife!"_

 _The Pandas, who were scratching there heads before, began to smile, and began to follow Fry in a small dance._

" _I mean the, Bare Necessities, the simple bear necessities," with the last line, he pointed at the Pandas, who seemed to clap with happiness at being mentioned, "Our mother nature's recipes, that bring the bare necessities of life."_

" _Wherever I wander," the young adult laughed, as he, unnoticed by any one else, began to pile bamboo into his hands, "Wherever I roam!"_

" _I couldn't be fonder," Gwen suddenly sang as she too grabbed some large shafts of bamboo, before adding, "of my own home."_

"That's it," Fry winked, before continuing.

" _Look for the Bare Necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and you strife," as they sang together, they began to dance down the hill, and towards the exit, "We mean the, Bare Necessities, the simple bare necessities, just live by them and you will have a good ol life."_

" _Just live by them," Fry said, as he jumped off the hill._

" _And you will have a good ol life!" Gwen finished, as she joined him in victory._

Both Team Chris and Team Amazon cheered in victory.

"Alright," Chris said, "Nice, that's gonna get us tons of hits on I-tunes. So both teams get a point," Both the Blue Chris meter and the red Amazon meter lit up, "while Team Victory is left in the loser category."

"Well let's get to our next challenge," suddenly, Asian Chris hit his remote, and the spinner began to, you guessed it, spin.

"So," Alejandro brought forth, "I do believe we should have Max go next."

"But why me?" Max asked with confusion.

"Yeah," the eager Homer said, "Why him?"

"The chances of having two incredibly hard challenges in a row are unlikely," Alejandro pointed out, "So it would be best to get out weakest member done quickly."

* * *

 **Alejandro:** In all honesty, I just wanted to pay that brat back for Celebrity Manhunt.

 **Max:** (covered in bandages, holding a small stethoscope in his hand) I fucking knew it!

* * *

"Don't worry," Bart shouted, "I will avenge the Napoleon Dynamite rip off over here!"

"Guess it's up to me," Zorak groaned, "I can handle these girls."

"Hey!"

The giant spinner finally stopped on a small boxing glove. The giant TV illuminated, revealing a small stick figure being bounced around by two giant boxing gloves, creating yet another roar from crowd.

"Will you stop that?" Max shouted to the crowd.

"This is known as the great Boxing Battle Course!" Chris explained, "You will be expected to run through a gaint obstacle course, filled with pratfalls, and more importantly, giant boxing gloves that come up and punch you lights out if you hit the wrong switch." The hill with the Pandas, who were rabidly running towards the cast, suddenly fell into the floor, and was replaced by a long hall with a red line on one side, and the cast on the other, "The first contestant to make it to the other side wins a point for their team. So I hope you are ready!"

"Oh fuck me," Zorak groaned. The three looked at one another, and suddenly threw out their fists.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" they shouted.

"Oh yeah!" Bart shouted, holding up his paper, to the other two's rocks, "I go last!"

The two males sighed, before the both threw out their fists, "Rock, Papers, Scissors!" Suddenly, as Max threw out paper, Zorak threw a rock at him, hitting him where the sun don't shine.

"I had paper, asshole," Max wheezed.

"Yeah," Zorak laughed, "And I had a rock, so get going!"

"Oh, suck a dick," Max groaned, getting up, and looked out over the course. He paused for a second, looked back at the others, sighed, and jumped down on the course. Suddenly, a giant tile was indented, and out of the wall on the right, a giant boxing glove suddenly flew out, and knocked him into a nearby wall. He then, in a daze, stepped out of the wall, and stepped forward, and again, stepped on a switch, sending a boxing glove out from the left wall this time, sending him flying to the right wall. After another three minutes of this pinball game Max walked back to the starting line.

"Done," he said in a tired voice.

"Well," Chris marveled, "while that was impressive endurance, you are on the wrong side."

"Aw fuck you!"

"Now with all the traps gone," Zorak laughed, "I guess being in second doesn't hurt."

Zorak chuckled as he stepped out on the course, only to see the tile he stepped on be switched, open up, and a boxing glove hit him up into the air, colliding with the light, and electrocuting him.

"Ow," his withered husk moaned, as he fell back to the starting spot.

"Man," Bart quivered, "This so doesn't look…Wait a minute," he then pointed at the course, "all the switches that Max hit are still down, I guess that means that none of them can hurt me," he then turned to Chris, "right?"

"Wow," Chris rubbed the back of his head, "I was kinda hoping you wouldn't notice that."

Bart simply hopped from the activated switch to activated switch. After two minutes of navigating the checkerboard style course, he finally reached the finish line, jumped over it, and cheered.

"Alright," Chris smiled, "and Victory has managed to tie up the score again."

As the spinner again did its thing, the entire cast began to look at one another. This might get progressively more painful, noting the tortured looks of Zorak and Max as they were moved to the infirmary.

"So," Fry said, relieved that he would not have to go again, "Who's up next?"

"I will!" Tyler shouted, "I can handle anything that this show can throw at me."

"Okay," Noah chuckled, "It's your funeral."

"Don't worry guys," Leshawna smiled, "Leshawna gonna take our winning streak up to two!"

This time, it was the Amazon team that was arguing. They all seemed to be bickering, considering two of their competitors were out.

"I can't do this," Courtney said quickly, "I'm Duncan's girlfriend, and I need his emotional support!"

"Oh," Heather chuckled, "I thought Gwen needed it more."

"Guys!" Cody shouted, "Stop bickering, I'll do it."

"You get them Cody!" Sierra shouted.

"Why do I feel a certain shroud of doom?" Cody groaned, as the spinner stopped on a slice with a dragon head. The screen lit up, with a giant dragon cooking several humans on a spit while breathing the flames to cook them with.

"DRAGON COOKOFF!"

Again the crowd roared.

"In this challenge," Chris smirked, "You will be placed on a gaint rolling spit. As the spit rolls in place, you will be expected to keep your balance. At the same time, we will have giant statues of dragons spiting fire at you. Last one on the spit, and not fried, wins another point for their team.

* * *

 **Noah:** Okay, I may not know Japanese law, but something tells me that there is no way this is legal.

* * *

The three were standing on a giant rolling metal barrel. The slowly turning of the pole and all three began to balance themselves on its spin.

"Yeah baby!" Leshawna shouted, "I got this thing in the bag. I beat a famous log rolling bear in the first season; I can handle anything they can throw at me!"

She was answered when a dragon statue shot out in front of her, flames burst from its mouth, and she was cooked. As she fell from the spit, Cody and Tyler looked at one another in fear. Each did not know when a dragon might pop out, and they would be the next contestant to be cooked.

"Okay Tyler," the wannabe jock said to him, "You can do this. Just stay calm. There is no way that you could possibly," suddenly, he slipped, hit his face on the pole, and fell to the ground in a heap.

"Well," Chris commented, as Team Amazon cheered, "That was unexpected."

"Alright Cody!" Sierra shouted as she hugged the life out of him.

Again the spinner spun as the Amazon meter added another bar of victory. The teams got together once again, and looked at one another for the next choice.

"I will go," Alejandro said valiantly, "I will bring us to the lead once more!"

"I think its Heather's turn," Gwen offered.

"For once," Courtney smirked, "I agree."

"What!"

"So what about us?" Neil asked, "I'm physically unfit for this game, we've already used our cannon fodder and breakout characters, one of which strangely won the challenge for us, and our so-called expert was eliminated early. That leaves Morty," the socially awkward teen waved weakly to his teammates, "Stan and Kyle," Both boys flipped the audience off, "The Eds," Double D was cowering behind Ed and Eddy, "and Bridgette," Bridgette smiled, as she walked out onto the team platform.

"I can handle this," the cool surfer girl smiled. Al smiled as he saw his opponents.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** Okay, having two girls as my opponents, I will be able to use all of my sexiness, intelligence, and cunning to make them lose for me. Besides, this might be good for me when dealing with my own team…and by that, I mean getting rid of contestants who might distract my teammates from the main goal.

* * *

"And your challenge is Mushroom Hopping!" Chris shouted, as the screen showed a man bouncing on top of a gaint mushroom, "In this challenge, you will be expected to jump across a giant course of mushrooms. The first one to make it to the other side of the field wins a point for their team. Oh yeah, and we do have a few other small surprises for you."

All three got to the starting line, and then jumped onto the first mushrooms. Each of them jumped to the second mushroom, easily catching themselves, and realizing that the mushrooms were stable enough to hold their weight.

Before long, they all were half way across the course. All three seemed to have gained enough confidence that they were making quick work of each new hop.

"But it looks like the first obstacle is coming in," Chris laughed, as suddenly, three flying turtles appeared. Well, more they were simply interns in winged turtle costumes, but they were still in the way of the contestants.

"It's not like they can really do anything to us," Heather commented, as she tried to jump past one of them. Said turtle threw a hammer at her, which she barely dodged.

"Oh come on!" she shouted, as the three jumped, barely escaping each of the hammers. During one jump, Alejandro back flipped, allowing him to catch sight of a giant rig which held all of the turtles. He then adeptly caught a thrown hammer, and tossed it into the air, knocking the rig, and by association the winged turtles, to the ground beneath the mushrooms.

"Alright Al!" Owen shouted, causing the Spanish man to shudder.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** I don't mind being called Al, really I don't.

* * *

"And here comes obstacle number two!" Chris smirked, as yet again, costumed turtle men appeared before the contestants. Except this time, they were throwing axes.

"This can't be legal," Bridgette groaned, as she continued to try to keep herself from slipping. Finally, one of the axes passed by Alejandro, but it caught part of his shirt. Suddenly, both layers of his upper body covering were ripped, and his bare chest was revealed.

Both Heather and Bridgette saw this, and they just happened to be on adjacent mushrooms, and hoping to jump to the same mushroom. They both drooled, and jumped, not fully aware that the other one had jumped as well. This of course, caused a rather painful collision.

* * *

 **Carl:** Why couldn't it have been one of them girls to lose their shirt?

* * *

"Bridgette!" Morty shouted, as she and Heather fell through the mushrooms, and to the floor. Alejandro, seizing this opportunity, jumped over to the finish line, and won the challenge.

"Well that looked painful," Chris smiled, "Well that leaves both Team Amazon with Team Chris with two points, and Team Victory with one. So if either Amazon or Team Chris win this next challenge, they get first class, the other one votes off no one, and Team Victory does have to vote someone off."

As once again the spinner spun, the three teams huddled together.

"We need to use our strongest," Dean pointed out, "At the very least, we will force overtime with the other teams, so as long as we get this next point, we still have a fighting chance!"

"So who is our strongest player?" D.J. asked. The others stared at him with disbelieving looks.

"No way," D.J. shrieked, "I can't handle another one of these insane-ow!"

"You listen to me Devon Joseph," Leshawna growled, holding onto his ear, "You are going to give your best effort on this. You are not going to quit…again!"

* * *

 **Leshawna:** Look, DJ's cool and all, and I don't mind that he quit last season to try to redeem himself, but in reality, what had his alliance won him? Access to the kitchen, and…nothing really, he won everything last season on his own. Sure, he had an illegal alliance, but it was more from Chef than from anyone else. I hope he realizes that we expect him to not quit this season, and to stop being a wimp.

* * *

"Okay," D.J. whined, "okay!"

"They do have a good point," Gwen muttered as she and the Amazons huddled, "We need to use our best for this next challenge. But who is our best."

I'll go," Leela spoke up, "I've handled worse than this on a daily basis."

* * *

"Okay," Noah noted, "Against Leela and D.J., are options are I, Izzy, Owen, Peter, Homer, Bojack, and Bender. Good God we're doomed."

All of Team Chris turned to Izzy, who was currently holding one of the Pandas. How she got it…well its better if you don't know. The Panda growled at Izzy, and began to scratch her face. But instead of screaming, she giggled.

"Isn't it cute," she said, holding it out in front of Kenny, whom it promptly scratched his face off.\

"Oh my God, she killed Kenny!" Stan shouted.

"You bastard!" Kyle yelled.

"We're so fucking dead," Max said, as he stood next to Noah, covered in bandages and holding a crutch in under his left armpit.

* * *

 **Max:** Yeah, got knocked for a loop during that last challenge, but I feel good, it's not like I'll get hurt this bad again this season…right?

 **Izzy:** Oh my gosh, so many of these challenges looked so cool. I mean those Pandas were so cute, and they got even cuter when they got all homicidal and junk. Then there were those cool boxing gloves, and those were so fun when they sent Zorak sky high. Oh, and did you see Max being bounced around like a pinball. Whoa that was so cool. I hope he gets better soon. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I remember one time, in the Andes, there was this really cute Ecuadorian boy. I thought he would make a good boyfriend, but then I found out he was a wimp. I mean, if you can't handle being mauled by a Jaguar, how are you gonna handle me.

* * *

"Your challenge is…" the crowd stared anxiously at the spinner, as it continued to slow down, finally stopping on a small heart, "Animal taming!"

"Oh no!" D.J. groaned.

* * *

 **D.J.:** I thought I got lucky when I didn't have to do the Panda challenge. But now my curse will show up in this challenge. But, maybe it won't be so bad. I mean, come on, what kind of animal would they get for us to tame?

* * *

"Please welcome in today's animals," Chris said, "The dolphins!"

Suddenly, the entire crowd began to jeer the animals, which tried to hide away from them at the back of the tank.

* * *

 **Bridgette:** Oh no! I forgot, in Japan, the people love to kill dolphins, nearly as much as we Canadians love to eat maple syrup. And believe me; we have pancakes for breakfast at my house.

* * *

"If you can safely get one of the dolphins to navigate their way to you, and willing accept food from your hand. However, you must be on the side of the tank closest to those blood thirsty fishermen," Chris pointed at several men in old fashioned fishermen outfits, wielding giant spears and meat hooks.

"Fuck you dolphin!" one of them shouted.

"Okay," D.J. said, as he calmly grabbed some fish and climbed up the ladder, "Just got to get the Dolphin over here quick, and get it back safe and sound," he then held out his fish, just above the water, "Come here little guy, come get some food."

One of the dolphins, straying out from the others, slowly swam towards D.J. It then, looking around, swam up to the surface, only two feet away from the linebacker, seeming to smile. Just as it began to gain speed, suddenly a spear flew through the air, and impaled the poor mammal.

"Yeah!" the crowd of Japanese fishermen screamed, the one who threw the spear getting a high five from one of the others.

"NO!" D.J. cried.

* * *

 **D.J.:** Why cruel mummified dog? WHY!

* * *

"So Izzy's up next," Izzy noted, as she climbed the stair, "Don't worry cute dolphin, I will stop any attack on you."

Neither of the living dolphins moved. Izzy then glared at them.

"Hey!" she shouted, "You better come here right now!"

Neither moved.

"That's it," Izzy jumped into the water, grabbed the nearest dolphin, and began to punch it.

"And that means Leela wins invincibility!" Chris declared.

"Why?" Noah asked.

"Izzy went to the dolphin, instead of it going to her," Chris explained, "Now that means The Amazon are in first class, Team Chris is again in second, and Team Victory will vote out their second member tonight. See you back on the plane."

* * *

 **Stan:** Frankly, it gives the rest of us a chance to vote off someone who's been nothing but useless since day one.

* * *

"You know the drill," Chris pointed out, "And have cast your vote. Now time to present the peanuts."

"First are…Stan, Kyle, Dean, Neil, and Morty!"

They all got up and grabbed their marshmallows.

"Next…Eddy, Double D, Bridgette, Nikki, Hank, Ed, Bart, and Leshawna!"

All eight smiled as they also caught their marshmallows.

"So that leaves you three," Lindsay, Harold, and D.J. all began to sweat, "You all received votes tonight…and the one with the least was Lindsay."

She smiled as she caught hers, while Neil just glared at her.

* * *

 **Neil:** Yeah, I voted for her. She's an idiot. Sue me!

* * *

"And then there were two," Chris suddenly laughed, "Harold, you lost the first challenge, and set the team off on a losing streak, and D.J., you lost your challenge too, and killed an innocent dolphin."

* * *

 **Bridgette:** Yeah, I voted for D.J. I can handle most things, but killing dolphins!

 **Kyle:** (Smashes stamp down on Harold's passport)

* * *

"And the final marshmallow goes to…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…D.J."

"Oh well," Harold sighed as he was handed a parachute, "I was the one who dishonored our team."

He then screamed as he was pushed off the plane by Chef, not even having put his parachute on yet.

* * *

It had been an hour after the voting ceremony, and everyone had settled back into their favorite activities. Master Shake was being his usual annoying self to Frylock, who had mastered the skill of ignoring it by reading a book. Cartman was eating Cheesy Poofs. Bridgette and Lindsey were talking with one another, and Tyler was trying to catch Lindsey's attention. Brian and Stewie were having a conversation on guess that theme song.

"Hey Brian," Stewie said suddenly, "Ever get the feeling you were being watched?"

Brian shrugged, as they returned to their conversation. At the same tame, Al smirked, and rubbed his palms together. He then looked over at Courtney and Gwen, who appeared to be arguing. His smirk grew even wider.

* * *

 **Alejandro:** I need to start tearing apart these old and new contestants. Destroy their trust in one another. Turn past friendships into rivalries, putting one each of them against each other, and make all the major couples hate each other. Alliances made to try to vote out your ex will distract you from me, and of course, move one of the feuding couple mates into my alliance. But no matter what, one by one, they will all go down.

(Door Opens)

 **Max:** Hey asshole, how long are you going to be in here? I have things I want to mock!

 **Alejandro:** Just done.

(Alejandro walks out, Max sits down)

 **Max:** Well…why do I have a great sense of evil from this room? It's just so foreboding.

(Izzy sticks her head down from the vent, giggling at Max, who begins to hold himself)

 **Max:** I just felt even more evil intentions.

* * *

"Finally we have a real competitor in Alejandro," Chris laughed, as he sat next to Chef, "Where will we visit next time, what challenges will we force our passengers to go through, and will Alejandro begin to take over the game. Find out next time, on Total Drama, World Touuuuuurrrr!"

* * *

 _ **AN: I thought it was time to update one of my more comedic stories since it's been a while. Anyway, next time, prepare for our first original location. It is in Russia. That's all I have to say about that.**_

 _ **Eliminated:**_ _Duncan, Ezekiel, Harold_

 _ **Well see you soon. Bye!**_


	5. From Russia With Love

_**AN: I had this chapter on the back burner for a while now, so here it is. Hope you enjoy.**_

* * *

Last time on Total Drama World Tour…

"The contestants had a wacky adventure in the old, majestic land of Japan. There they had to complete series of wacky challenges in a kooky Japanese game show where they either would get mauled by panda bears or protect dolphins from bloodthirsty fishermen. It was Izzy's usual brand of craziness that guaranteed Team Amazon victory and it was Harold's annoying habits of correcting me and annoying his team that cost Team Victory their victory; with Harold eventually going home. Now, who will crack under the pressure and who will be frozen by the fear when they take on a new challenge in today's episode of Total…Drama... _World Toooouuuuur_!"

* * *

 ***Cue Theme Song***

* * *

The Jumbo Jet soared across the sky and inside the contestants either suffered or rejoiced. The ones who rejoiced were the members of Team Amazon, who were in the first class cabin. Heather slept peacefully, while snoring considerably loudly; Brian, Carl, Early, and Zorak were at the bar drinking to their hearts content, Stewie was busy working on a new invention, Huey was on his laptop, Brak was playing video games, and Gwen, Courtney, and Leela relaxed in their seats while each read a book and Sierra gave a disturbing foot massage to a sleeping Cody. However, as soon as he woke up he complained to the girl about her actions.

"Sierra, what are you doing?" Cody asked, flabbergasted while pulling his foot away from her.

"Everybody loves a foot massage." Sierra countered plainly,

"Yeah, normally but…I don't like having my feet touched." Cody lied.

Sierra took his foot again and began to massage it.

"Did you know there's a pressure point between tarsal bones that can temporarily paralyze the whole body?" She asked in heavy rhetoric.

Before she could go any further she was then hit by a laser beam leaving her stunned and paralyzed courtesy of Leela, "And I thought Zapp Brannigan was a creep."

* * *

In the economy class, pretty much like in every previous instance, the contestants were having a bad time. Both teams were on separate benches and were trying to do something to pass the time until they arrived to the next place where they would be submitted to the tortuous and almost illegal tasks of Chris McClean.

Shake was holding a spoon stuck inside a bowl of what is supposed to be pea soup, made by Chef. "I feel like an orphan, I wasn't made to eat this stuff! He then throws the pea soup and it explodes for unexplained reasons.

"Eh, it's not like anyone would try to altercate him, have you seen the guy?" said Frylock.

"I was gonna tell him, but, he told me with his mind that it wasn't a good idea, you know me, I don't like to argue." Shake retorted.

"I really enjoyed Japan." Owen said. "That sushi was excellent."

"That wasn't sushi Owen." Noah said. "It was just raw fish heads."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure this is sushi." Izzy said while pulling out a bucket of fish heads.

"I tell you, it's rotten fish heads." Noah said.

"You sure?" Izzy asked. "Try them."

Without giving him a chance to answer, the crazy girl poured the contents of the bucket on top of the bookworm, who remained perfectly deadpan while the fish guts dripped all over his body and clothes. He sighed.

"I'll go shower." He proclaimed before heading for the shower area.

"Well I'm sure that whatever Chris has planned for us can't be that bad." Bridgette said.

Then the entire crew of the economy class, sans Izzy, gasped and exclaimed.

"No!" They yelled.

"What?" Bridgette asked.

"Dude, you're never supposed to say that!" Kyle yelled. "Whenever somebody says that shit get real bad!"

Bridgette looked freaked.

"Yeah, even I know that and I'm not the shiniest fool in the bed." Lindsay said.

"Lindsay, I believe the expression is 'not the sharpest tool in the shed'." Double D said.

"No Double D, that doesn't make sense." Lindsay said. "Tools aren't alive."

"She's right." Tyler said, backing up Lindsay.

"Thanks for supporting me, Taylor." Lindsay said.

Tyler then appeared downtrodden.

* * *

 **Tyler:** I don't understand why Lindsay still can't remember my name! We dated throughout the whole first season and I hung out with her like a million times after TDA was over. I'll have to do something very impressive to get her to remember me. Maybe if I manage to stick my leg behind my leg, that's pretty impressive. ( _He grabs his leg and tries to bend it over the back of his head but he slips and his head lands in the toilet, getting stuck)_.

* * *

The plane suddenly gave a leap and both Tyler and Noah fell back into the economy class, Tyler with his head drenched in toilet water and Noah drenched in detergent and soap water.

"Well, I suppose detergent is as good as any shower." Noah said.

The contestants then noticed the plane began to descend until they finally landed. They were all considerably pleased that this time their landing assistance didn't involve them falling to their deaths. However as soon as they stepped out of the plane door, all of them found a lack of a descent ladder and plummeted to the snow below.

Most of them landed alone without hurting each other, just themselves; however one contestant landed in a rather compromising position. Whether it was luck or maybe to him a curse, Morty happened to crash land on top of Bridgette's chest.

"Morty!" Bridgette yelled while pulling him away from her breasts.

The socially awkward boy quickly stood up, dusted himself off and helped Bridgette to her feet.

"Oh jeez! I-I am s-so sorry B-Bridgette!" Morty said in a frantic voice that seemed unnatural to any teenage guy who had just had deep contact with female anatomy. "I-I didn't mean to be i-inappropriate in any w-way. I-I have a deep respect for w-women and their privacy. D-despite your good nature and k-kindness I have no interest in y-you. I'm a-aware that y-you have a boyfriend, whose s-status as your significant other I-I respect and I-I want to make it clear that I-I have to i-intention of getting in b-between you t-two!"

Morty then proceeded to walk off blushing heavily in embarrassment while a stunned Bridgette looked at him.

"I don't know why but I suddenly found what he said attractive." Bridgette said to Courtney.

Meanwhile, Rick looked at this dumbfounded.

"Okay, what the actual fuck was that?" Rick breathed.

"Wow! That scrawny kid really knows how to charm the ladies!" Eddy said to Kyle.

"That or he's just horrible at talking to them in general," Kyle replied.

* * *

 **Rick:** When the hell did Morty's balls drop?

* * *

The contestants shivered deeply and groaned due to the cold. Then Chris McClean emerged from the pilot's cabin wearing a bulgy wool coat and an ushanka.

"It's too cold out here damn it!" Rusty complained.

"Well of course it's cold, we're in a place where the snow doesn't shine! Can anyone tell me where we are?" Chris asked.

"Back home?" Early said

"Candyland?" Meatwad questioned.

"A strip club?" Bender asked.

"The North Pole?" Nikki asked.

"Well Nikki had the closest answer, considering the fact that the other three were totally irrelevant," Chris replied.

"A better question is where the nearest airport is so I can get the hell outta here?" Zorak said.

"You should of thought about that before you signed this baby, huh?" Chris said as held up the show's contract causing Zorak to glare at him with hate.

"Now, back to the game." Chris proclaimed. "Welcome to the former home of communism and the current home of Vladurday…Russia!"

"Can we get some coats here?" Bridgette asked.

Chris glared at her for speaking out of turn but then smiled again.

"Sure, I ordered some for you." The host said.

The contestants sighed with relief.

"Though they won't be here for quite a few weeks." Chris finished with a mischievous grin, clearly displaying that he enjoyed the contestants' frustration.

Both Stan and Kenny flipped the evil host off.

They were all freezing cold, though the one most disturbed was Bridgette, since she lived in an edge of Canada where they rarely got cold weather and was absolutely unprepared for such temperatures. Another contestant noticed this and decided to take advantage of it.

"I'll warm you up, Bridgette." Alejandro said, holding arms open wide.

Bridgette immediately ran to his arms to hug him without thinking. He wrapped his arms around her and Bridgette swooned.

* * *

 **Bridgette:** Alejandro is a really nice guy, you know, for helping keep me warm. He's really considerate. He's almost as nice as my dear Alejandro…I mean Geoff! My dear boyfriend Alejandro…Geoff! My dear boyfriend Geoff! Goddamnit Bridge…you gotta keep it cool. Just relax and think of Geoff's nice tan skin and long, brown hair…blonde hair! Damn it!

* * *

"Any other questions?"

"What's communism?" Tyler asked.

"A sociopolitical ideology which in theory is supposed to create a utopic, stateless and classless society where the means of production are commonly owned, articles of consumption are of free access and there is no private property." Neil explained. "However in practice it has only led to a society where the state runs the so-called "commonly owned means of production" and attempts to distribute profit equally regardless of a person's part in achieving said profit, which leads to mass laziness and the necessity of force to intimidate workers in working harder which eventually leads to a practically slave-like lifestyle for citizens of the communist society."

The rest of the cast looked at him bewildered.

"OK." Chris said. "Let's get to the challenges."

Chris clapped his hands and Chef Hatchet emerged from the cabin with a treasure chest. He opened it and pulled out three pieces of paper, which he handed to each team.

"Now, each team has just been given a clue." Chris explained. "This clue will lead to a place in Moscow, where you will find another clue. This clue will then lead you to a second place where yet another clue is hidden. This third clue will tell you the final location you must go to. There, me and Chef will be waiting. Whichever team makes it to the final location first wins the first challenge. Any more questions?"

"Where in Russia are we exactly?" Gwen asked.

"Five miles outside of Moscow." Chris answered. "Now get going!"

* * *

"Okay team, what does our clue say?" Alejandro asked.

"It says 'To find the place where you'll next be led, find the place where the Red King lies dead'." Bojack said.

"What the hell does that mean?" Bender asked.

Alejandro and Noah looked at each other knowingly.

"It's obvious where we have to go." They said.

"To Brett Favre's tomb?" Tyler asked.

"What? No." Noah said. "What led you to that conclusion?"

"Well, Favre was played for the Washington Redskins and he was the QB, which makes him the king of the team." Tyler explained.

"F-Favre never *burp* played for the Redskins." Rick said. "Nor is he dead."

"Wow, aren't you supposed to be some sports fanatic? That's so damn pathetic!" Bender laughed.

Tyler gulped and looked embarrassed.

* * *

 **Tyler:** OK, so I might have some holes in my sports knowledge but I am still a great sports player. I kick butt in both team and single sports, especially tennis. I am wicked with the…the…the…How do you call those weird frying pan-looking thingies you use to hit the ball with in tennis?

* * *

"Read the clue, Gwen." Courtney said.

Gwen opened up the paper scroll and began to read it out loud.

"'If victory is what you want to achieve, find the secret home of the secret police'." Gwen said.

"What does that mean?" Cody asked.

"The Lubyanka, KGB Headquarters." Courtney and Gwen said in unison.

The two girls looked at each other with an impressed look.

"Well, you know your Russian culture, Gwen. I'm impressed." Courtney said.

"Thanks Courtney." Gwen replied.

"Enough with the friendship crap, this isn't My Little Pony." Stewie said. "Let's go!"

"Yeah, What are we waiting for?" Leela exclaimed. "Come on, everyone!"

The cyclops ran, followed suit by the rest of Team Amazon.

* * *

 **Courtney:** I'm surprised Gwen knew that. I never took her as the smart type. Maybe I underestimated her.

 **Gwen:** I'm surprised Courtney actually complimented me. She hasn't really been good to me since the whole Duncan thing last season. Maybe I was too quick to call her a bitch. I mean, if I had been her I would have been a little jealous too. After all Duncan doesn't seem all that loyal, despite his sweetness and awesome hot looks and...( _Her eyes burst wide open upon realizing what she just said)_ Okay, erase that! I did not say that! I did not! It was a mistake!

* * *

"Man, I really wish Harold was here." LeShawna said, while looking at the clue. "My sweet stringbean knew all kind of things 'bout weird eastern cultures."

"'To find the heart of the Bolshoi, theatrics you must employ'." Hank re-read the clue out loud.

"I have no idea about what it means." Bridgette said.

"It makes my head go owie." Lindsay proclaimed.

"Of course it does," Neil remarked as he rolled his eyes.

* * *

Team CIRRRRH walked into the Lenin Mausoleum, the place they had deduced the clue was leading them to, which was almost entirely empty.

"This place is usually crawling with people." Alejandro said. "Chris must have cleared this place for the challenge."

"Where's the clue?" Owen asked.

"There!" Tyler yelled.

The no-good-jock pointed towards the center of the mausoleum, where Lenin's body rested in a glass case. Inside the case and on Lenin's hand was another scroll, identical to the one Chris had given them.

"Awesome!" Tyler exclaimed. "Now let's just go get it."

Noah grabbed Tyler by the sweatsuit collar.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." Noah said.

"Why not?"

"Because Lenin's body is heavily guarded." Noah answered.

"How guarded?" Owen asked.

"The last guy who accidentally made a smudge on the glass case by breathing on it got shot in the throat and had to be hospitalized for three months." Noah replied.

"Are you sure there's guards now?" Tyler asked.

His question was answered as Kenny was suddenly gunned down by rapid gunfire coming from all directions.

"Aw bitch!" Cartman shouted.

"I believe that answers your question," said Alejandro as he proceeded to point upwards. Tyler looked and managed to spot four snipers on guard balconies, aiming their rifles at the casket, ready to fire if somebody touched it.

"We need a plan on how to get that clue." Alejandro said.

Everybody on the team began to think up a plan.

Oh, I know!" Izzy proclaimed.

Izzy then pounced into the air towards one of the snipers. She wrapped her legs around his neck and defying all laws of physics she used the sheer strength of her legs to fling the guard backwards against another guard, knocking them both out.

The other two guards attempted to shoot her but she leaped into the air and, once again, violated the laws of physics by running upside-down on the roof until the jumped behind the third of the snipers. She then butterfly kicked him in the back of the head, throwing him off his guard balcony.

She then leaped into the air, dodging many shots from the final sniper until she finally landed behind him. She bent over backwards and grabbed the guard by his head, after which she proceeded to hoist him up and slam him against the wall she was facing before shoving him backwards off the balcony.

The redhead leaped off the balcony and landed on top of Lenin's glass casket. She pulled it open and extracted the clue note scroll, which she tossed to Alejandro much to the shock of her teammates.

"Well...that's one way of getting it," Bojack said.

"Come on, let's get going!" Tyler yelled.

Team CIRRRRH turned around and ran out of the mausoleum, all of them minus Izzy who stopped and looked at Lenin's corpse. She grinned as she got a devious idea.

* * *

Team Amazon walked in through the front door of the Lubyanka and looked around.

"Where could Chris have hidden that clue?" Heather asked herself while tapping her chin.

"Girls, look!" Cody proclaimed and pointed at a Russian federal agent holding a briefcase with the Total Drama logo stamped on it.

Team Amazon approached the man.

"Hello sir, could you please give us that case?" Courtney asked.

"No."

"No? What do you mean by 'no'?"

"If you want the briefcase you have to say the password." The man replied.

"Fine…Communist?" Courtney asked.

"No."

"Motherland?" Stewie asked.

"No."

"KGB?" Huey asked.

"No."

"Russia?" Heather asked.

"No."

"Death to capitalism?" Brian asked.

"No."

"Long live communism?" Zorak asked.

"No."

* * *

 _ **Twenty minutes later...**_

"Lenin rules?" Cody asked.

"No."

"That's it!" Heather yelled.

The black-haired girl prepared to pounce on the federal agent but was stopped by her teammates.

"Let's just kick his ass and get the case!" Heather yelled.

"We can't, we have to figure out the password." Leela said.

"You did it! Have the case." The agent said, giving it to Gwen.

"Why?"

"You figured out the password." The agent said.

"The password was 'password?" Stewie asked enraged. "But we said the word 'password' before!"

"No, the password was not 'password'; it was 'the password." The agent explained. "The password was 'the password'."

Stewie immediately shot the federal agent in the head with a pistol, killing him instantly.

Team Amazon looked at this stunned.

"I recommend we get the hell out of here before more agents show up." Stewie said.

"Yeah."

* * *

Team CIRRRRH ran across the streets of Moscow, having figured out that their next clue was at the statue of the Monument to Alexander II due to the clue that read _"The next clue to victory is in the hands of most monumental tsar in history"_.

Team Victory ran across the streets of Moscow to try and find one of the other teams and try to follow them to the final meeting point since they had no idea what their clue meant.

Both teams happened to run into each other while roaming the streets and by run into each other, we mean it literally. Noah bumped into DJ, Owen into LeShawna, Tyler into Lindsay, Cartman ran into Kyle, Homer ran into Bart, Bender ran into Eddy, Morty ran into Rick, Hank ran into Frylock, Double D into Max, Peter ran into Ed, and Alejandro into Bridgette. Izzy, who was now wearing a large backpack, did not hit anybody.

Get the hell off me fatass!" Kyle shouted.

"Fuck you Jew!" Cartman yelled back.

"I'm sorry, señorita." Alejandro said, smiling and helping Bridgette up.

"No worries." The blonde surfer answered while blushing.

"We don't have time for your adulterous intentions." Noah said to the Spaniard and the surfer. "We have to go."

"Hey!" Someone screamed.

The contestants turned to look to the direction the scream came from and saw a dozen armed police officers.

"Those are the people that stole Lenin's body!" One of the guards yelled.

"No we didn't." Tyler said.

Then an arm slipped out of Izzy's backpack, much to the astonishment, annoyance, and disgust of her fellow teammates.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," said Max.

"What?" Izzy said. "I made him into a funny puppet."

Izzy reached into her bag and pulled out Lenin's corpse, which now had a marionette frame and strings attached to it.

"See?"

She lowered it and began to perform with it, making it dance.

" _Hello my baby; hello my darling; hello my night time gal._ " Izzy sang while making the Lenin corpse puppet dance.

"Heh...nice one, you little psycho bitch," Rick chuckled.

"Kill them!" One of the officers screamed.

The Russian police officers raised their Tec-9 submachine guns and opened fire. The contestants ran away from the cops, avoiding getting shot by mere centimeters as well as leaving behind Lenin's corpse/puppet.

"I HATE THIS PLACE!" Noah screamed.

"THAT MAKES TWO OF US!" Max chimed in.

Two contestants in particular ran off together by accident and they stopped to catch their breaths when they figured they were far away enough.

"That was close." Bridgette said.

"Yes. Are you alright, Bridgette?" Alejandro asked, feigning concern.

"Yeah, luckily." She said.

"It would have been very sad if you had gotten hurt. A girl as lovely and kind as you is probably the last person in the world who deserved to die in the hands of angry Russians." The Spaniard said.

"Oh…" Bridgette whimpered while blushing.

Her hand was suddenly grabbed by Morty.

"Come on Bridgette, this way!" shouted the stuttering boy as he dragged her away.

Alejandro frowned, his ploy ruined.

* * *

Team Amazon retrieved their clue from the hand of a statue of Yuri Andropov and read it out loud.

"'Your victory is almost secure, go to the holiest place on Red Square to make it sure'." Brian read out loud.

"St. Basil's Cathedral!" Courtney and Gwen exclaimed in unison.

The two girls high-fived each other.

"Alright besties, let's go!" Leela ordered Gwen and Courtney.

"Hey! That's the baby who murdered one of our agents!" The federal agents yelled, pointing at Stewie.

Team Amazon turned to see five armed guards.

"Kill them!" They yelled.

The guards raised their guns and opened fire while the team ran helter skelter to try and escape. The team dispersed with each member heading to a different direction. Things took a turn for the worse as Early retaliated by shooting more agents with his shot gun, escalating the situation even further. Several others like Stewie and Leela decided to get in on the action as well by beating up or shooting a few more guards.

As Courtney ran off, she happened to stumble upon a couple of other contestants who turned out to be Bridgette and Morty running from the guards as well.

"Bridgette?" Courtney asked.

"Hey Court." Bridgette said in a tired voice.

"Bridge, kid I don't know, what are you doing here?" Courtney asked.

"Court please, you have to help us." Bridgette pleaded. "They'll kill us if we're caught!"

Courtney looked at her friend and began to contemplate her possibilities.

* * *

 **Courtney:** When I saw Bridgette and that awkward teen boy in such a bad situation, I really had a problem making up my mind. I could either help my very best friend and delay myself, possibly costing me victory or leave her behind to rot, increasing my chances of winning. In the past I probably wouldn't have helped Bridgette, but after befriending her and dating Duncan they kind of made me grow a conscience and a sense of loyalty to my friends. Damn them!

* * *

"OK Bridgette, don't worry. I'll go look for some water. I'll be back in a minute." Courtney said.

* * *

All members of Team Amazon, sans Courtney; all members of Team CIRRRH and all members of Team Victory, sans Bridgette and Morty, stormed into St. Basil's Cathedral, fleeing from the armed Russian Police Officers.

"You made it!" Chris exclaimed.

"Yeah." They all replied, hyperventilating..

"We all made it." DJ said.

"I won't even ask why you guys are so edgy since I'll probably find out later from the recordings, but I have to point out that you didn't all make it." Chris said.

"What?" Heather asked.

"Who's missing?" LeShawna asked.

"Bridgette, Morty, and Courtney aren't _here_." Chris said. "If they don't get here soon, Team I'm The Most Awesomely Hot Person In The Universe will win."

"Damn it all!"

* * *

 **Heather:** That dumb idiot! She's always yakking about victory and now she doesn't show up! I am going to kill her!

* * *

Minutes later, Courtney, Bridgette, and Morty burst in through the door.

"Where the hell were you?" Heather yelled. "You cost us first place!"

"Yeah Courtney." Gwen said. "Where were you?"

"I'm sorry." Courtney said. "I was helping Bridgette and that kid, The other guards were closing in on them pretty fast."

"Are they okay?" Cody asked.

"Well we aren't dead, is that much of an answer for you?" Courtney said irritably.

"Okay, take it easy."

"Alright contestants." Chris said. "Let's start part two of the challenge."

"What is part two?" Tyler asked.

"You guys will be ice sculpting!" Chris announced. "But not just any kind of ice sculptures…it'll be sculptures of famous commie figures."

"Why do you keep associating Russia with communism?" Noah asked. "Ever since the fall of the Soviet Union Russia has been one of the most staunchly capitalist countries of the world and it has progressed significantly thanks to it. Sure Vladimir Putin's authoritarian way of government and control of industry is descendant from a socialist form of government but the country's attitude and political model is entirely capitalist these days. Not only that it…"

Chris threw a chunk of ice at Noah, knocking him down.

"Thank you, I've just about had enough nerd talk for one day," said Bender.

"Anybody object to that?" Chris asked.

Most of them shook their heads.

"Good." Chris said, smiling. "Now, Team CIRRRRH, since you made it here first you will get the easiest sculpture…Nikita Khrushchev."

Chris pulled out a picture of the former Russian premier and handed it to Alejandro.

"He was bald and few distinctive physical features." Chris said.

He then turned to Team Amazon.

"Team Amazon, since you made it second you guys get the second toughest…Joseph Stalin." Chris announced.

Chris gave Heather a picture of the infamous dictator.

"He's tough because of his weird hair crop and swanky mustache." Chris said.

Finally he turned to Team Victory.

"Now, since Bridgette came in last you guys get the hardest one." Chris explained.

The whole team turned to look angrily at Bridgette and Morty, with the former replying with an apologetic look and a shameful blush.

Chris reached into his pocket and then extracted a picture, which he gave to Stan. The picture turned out to be one of Karl Marx.

"You get Karl Marx, the father of modern socialism and a tough guy to sculpt due to his weird hair, mustache and huge beard." Chris explained. "Now let's all go outside and start making ourselves some ice sculptures!"

The cast followed Chris outside, though while walking a particular girl approached a certain guy.

"I saw you try to play Bridgette right there." Heather said. "But I am not as gullible as all the jerks around here. I know you purposely tried to leave Bridgette behind to turn her team against her, you conniving jerk."

"Why Heather, I do not know what you mean." Alejandro acted. "And if I did, you'd have no proof of that and nobody would believe you due to your bad reputation."

The Spaniard strutted forward, leaving behind an annoyed girl.

* * *

 **Heather:** That hot guy is getting on my nerves! ( _Screams)_.

 **Morty:** The real reason that I grabbed Bridgette was that I wanted to get her away from Alejandro, There's just something about that guy I don't like.

* * *

In a little while, the contestants finished with their ice sculptures, which were the covered in sheets while Chris prepared to inspect them.

At the Team CIRRRRH area, Izzy looked at the Aqua Teens intently.

* * *

 **Izzy:** I've been collecting information for a deduction on what exactly those living fast food items really are, so super secret agent Izzy will have to discover whether the targets are any more alive than bacteria by applying some practical methods.

* * *

Izzy approached Frylock from behind and whispered in his ear.

"Hey Super Size."

Frylock turned around to look at Izzy, he raised an eyebrow.

"What do you want?"

"What's that on your back?" She asked.

"It's a jewel that's the source of my powers."

"Ooh! Can you show me your powers?!"

"Judging by the look in your eyes, I'd say that's a horrible idea and that there is no way in hell I would ever show you my powers ." Frylock replied in a condescending tone.

"OK then."

* * *

 **Izzy:** The targets used sneaky yet reasonable excuses to avoid investigation so super mega ultra agent Izzy had to use more "sneaky" tactics.

* * *

The crazy girl then went over to Owen,"Hey Big O, you wanna see if those french fries on Frylock's head taste good?" Izzy said pointing at Frylock.

"Oh boy, do I!" Owen exclaimed as he went in an attempt to pick the fries out of Frylock's head, but that proved to be a horrible mistake as he grabbed Owen's wrist with one of his fries.

"You even _think_ of trying to take a bite out of me and I will _murder_ you. Are we clear tubby?" Frylock warned.

"C-Crystal," Owen whimpered.

* * *

 **Owen:** He terrifies me.

 **Izzy:** The target resisted to the Owen test so no proper results could be achieved. Yet mega ultra hyper super-dooper goody-goody secret agent Izzy will never give up on proving just how alive these talking food stuffs are!

* * *

Chris approached the ice sculptures and prepared to judge them. First he made it to Team Victory's. He reached for the black sheet that covered the statue and upon pulling it off revealed a somewhat well made statue of the head of Karl Marx.

"Well I gotta admit Victory, you're statue isn't half bad, " Chris said.

The team all sighed in relief, having dodged a bullet.

Chris then moved on to Team Amazon.

Heather grabbed the black sheet and proudly pulled it down, revealing not a very well carved full-body statue of Stalin but a statue that looked like he had spent a few decades at a trailer park with a bunch of inbred hillbillies. Needless to say Team Amazon looked dumbfounded at this.

"What the hell?!" Brian yelled.

"Ah thought it could use some articulating." Rusty stated proudly, who was obviously responsible for this screw up.

Early then smacked him upside his head.

"Wow, sucks to be you guys then." Chris chuckled before moving on to Team CIRRRRH.

"Prepare yourself." Alejandro proclaimed before pulling off the sheet.

When the sheet slid off, it revealed a giant, three meter high statue of Chris himself. The statue itself had a smaller statue resting on its palm.

"Wow! This is absolutely incredible!" Chris exclaimed. "You guys win!"

"WHAT?!" Every contestant outside Team CIRRRRH protested.

"They didn't even make a statue of Nikita Krunch…Nikita Kursch…Of that Russian guy!" Heather yelled.

"I do believe we did." Alejandro said. "Look."

Alejandro then pointed at the smaller statue resting on Chris' statue's hand. Upon closer inspection they all saw it was a small but decent-looking statue of the former Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev.

"That's enough for me!" Chris proclaimed. "Team I'm Ultra Uber Super Mega Hot wins! You guys get to be in first class today!"

Chris then turned to Team Amazon.

"Team Amazon, since your statue irrevocably sucked, so you guys are on the chopping block tonight…for the first time ever!" Chris announced, cheerfully. "Man so much for your winning streak! Now let's all get going to…"

Suddenly fifteen Russian police officers holding Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine guns surrounded the entire cast.

"Those are them!" One of the officers yelled. "Those are the children who stole Lenin's body, killed our federal agent and massacred some of our men!"

"Plus those three are drug dealers!" One of them exclaimed while pointing at the Freeman family.

"On what grounds do you sons of bitches make that accusation!" Granddad exclaimed angrily.

"On the grounds of the color of your skin, n*gger." One of the officers replied before knocking out Granddad with the butt of his gun.

"Let's take them in!" One of the guards exclaimed.

The guards raised their weapons and began to escort the contestants away from the scene and towards the Kremlin.

* * *

The Russian officers pushed the entire cast into a large study, which had several bookcases in it and at the end a large desk with a wheeled chair behind it. There were two armed guards standing on either side of the desk.

"Here are those teenagers who were committing all those crimes, Mr. Prime Minister." One of the guards said in a thick Russian accent.

The chair was spun round and sitting on it was Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

"Thank you, Sergei." Putin said in a thick Russian accent. "I'll handle them."

The officers left, leaving the contestants and Chris with Putin and his guards.

"Mr. McClean, when your bosses requested permission to film in my city we allowed it because we were promised it would not disrupt daily life of citizens of Moscow and it would not break laws. Yet those officers told me your contestants had _murdered_ more than a few federal agents, desecrated a national monument and stolen a very important corpse." Putin said. "You may not like Lenin, but we do for some reason. Seriously I do not comprehend why we still keep that body since we are no longer communists, but we do so we do not like it when people steal it."

"Mr. Putin, you don't have to worry about these children." Chris said, very nervous. "We were going to leave before your officers arrested us."

"I am afraid I cannot let you leave right now." Putin said.

"What are you gonna do?" DJ asked, fearful.

"You will face maximum punishment in Russian law that can be given to foreigners..." Putin proclaimed. "…You will have to fight one hundred rabid bears in unicycles."

"Isn't that a blatant stereotype?" Neil replied.

"Wait, will we have to be fighting bears riding unicycles or will we have to ride unicycles while we fight the bears?" Owen asked.

"That doesn't matter." Brian proclaimed. "That punishment is freaking absurd, there is no way it's in your national law."

"Oh yes?" Putin said sardonically before tossing Brian a book.

Brian looked at the cover which read "Russian Laws & Statutes".

"Page 164, paragraph three." Putin stated.

Brian opened the book up to that point and read.

"Son of a bitch, he's right. It's there." Brian said. "Which makes me say that this country is very absurd."

"Hey, Lenin himself wrote that and he was an intellectual." Putin proclaimed. "Sure he was kind of crazy but he was still a genius."

The Russian Prime Minister turned to his guards.

"Guards, take them to the bear cage." Putin ordered.

The guards began to approach the contestants but before they could reach them the door to the office was opened and Chef Hatchet stormed in.

"Yo Chris, what's takin' you so damn long?" He yelled.

Chef saw the scenario that was going on and happened to spot Vladimir Putin.

"Oh my God…Vladdy-boy!" Chef exclaimed.

"Oh goddamnit _…_ " Putin swore.

"You know this guy?" Chris asked.

"Sure, I met him in '78 during a secret military operation in which the CIA and the KGB worked together to screw the Chinese government." Chef explained. "…And I think I just said too much. Though yeah, I know Vladdy."

Chef Hatchet approached Putin and stood next to him.

"We gotta catch up, man." Chef said. "Tell me, do you still sleep with that stuffed polar bear of yours, Vovy."

"Chef, shut the fuck up." Vladimir growled

"Oh man, are you angry?" Chef asked. "Don't tell me somebody stole your sandwich again 'cause I don't think I could endure another one of your sandwich tantrums."

"OK Chef, here is deal…if you stop talking about embarrassing details of past I will let you, your friend narcissistic host and those rotten people leave without charges." Putin proposed.

"Fine." Chef said. "I'll call you some time."

Chef walked towards the door.

"Let's go, I'm getting sick of this damn cold weather!" Chef yelled. "It's fucking freezin' up in here!"

"Wait, you two," Putin pointed to Brian and Stewie, "Would you like to see Russian cutaway gag?"

"Yeah sure," said Stewie.

Putin then turned to the audience, "Here is Russian cutaway gag."

* * *

 _(Cue Cutaway)_

 _A crudely drawn hedgehog was ranting in Russian._

 _"_ _What kind of idiot would make a porcupine sandwich without bread? Stupid bastards._ _"_

 _A loaf of bread suddenly lands at his feet, he then turns to the audience and laughs mockingly._

 _(End Cutaway)_

* * *

The cast made it to the Total Drama Jumbo Jet by nightfall.

"Well everybody, we were originally not going to have an elimination ceremony for Team Amazon after what just happened, but due to the large number of contestants, It's required that we have an elimination ceremony every episode," Chris said.

"What?" Heather complained. "After some dumb Russian almost sent us to prison we _still_ have to go through with elimination?!"

"Pretty much." Chris said, while walking into his room.

"Damn it!" Heather yelled while storming to the economy section.

* * *

 **Alejandro:**! _Mierda_! With Bridgette still in the game thanks to that weakling boy, I now have somebody else to worry about. Luckily she still believes that I'm not bad, though now a bit suspicious. _/He ponders for a second/_ I will have to turn on my charm and good-looks even higher…if it's possible to do so.

* * *

It was late at night, all of Team Amazon had gathered at the Elimination Ceremony for their first time ever. Most of the team glared at the three redneck squids, "All of you have already voted, so here I have fourteen barf bags. If you do not receive a barf bag you must immediately head to the Drop of Shame!" Chris told them.

The contestants eyed each other, no one really knew who was voting for who on this one. "The first round of marshmallows go to Brian, Stewie, Sierra, and Cody!" Chris listed, tossing barf bags to themselves

Sierra gasped happily and caught her's. Brian smiled and caught his looking satisfied. Stewie grinned and received his, while Cody beamed at being safe.

"Also with no votes against them, Leela, Gwen, Courtney, Huey, and Riley!" Chris said. Leela proudly received her's, as did Gwen. Courtney caught her's looking very pleased with herself. Riley gave a smug smile and Huey's face was devoid of expression as he caught his own bag of peanuts.

"Next is Meatwad, Carl, Brak, Zorak, Granny, and shockingly Heather, leaving us with our final two of the night." Chris said, tossing the last barf bags, aside from the last one. Meatwad and Carl both caught theirs looking indifferent, while Zorak looked s bit irritated at having to stay here a while longer, Heather caught her's looking very smug. "Early, Rusty, one of you is going home tonight." Chris said ominously.

"Hey! Why the hell am ah on the choppin' block?!" Early cried. "It's my damn son's fault we're here not mine!"

"Early, you're on the chopping block because after your little "performance" today, some of your teammates just don't want to hang around with a gun wielding maniac, that and being pretty annoying overall." Chris said with a chuckle, much to Early's anger. "And Rusty, you cost the challenge for your team by inadvertently sabotaging Lenin's statue " The host shrugged, to Rusty's ignorance.

Chris held up the final barf bag. "But this barf bag can only go to one person, and tonight, it goes to..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Early." Chris finished. Early breathed a sigh of relief and caught his barf bag with great joy.

"Daddy, no!" gasped Rusty.

"Daddy yes! Time to fly, buddy!" Chris exclaimed as he threw him a parachute.

"See ya round, son." said Early.

"Have fun jumping out of a plane, Rusty!" Granny waved.

"Wait wait, I don't wanna leave yet!" Rusty yelled as Chef picks him up and throws him out of the plane. "Wait, no, no!"

"I knew that would be satisfying!" Chris exclaimed. "Tune in next week to find out who else gets kicked off, who else gets shot, and who else goes crazy on Total…Drama… _World Toooouuuuur!_

* * *

 _ **AN: So a lot went down this chapter. This location is meant to take the place of the episode**_ ** _Anything Yukon Do, I Can Do Better_** _ **. Meaning that Bridgette doesn't end up getting tricked by Alejandro and eliminated at the end of the episode. That being said, hope you enjoyed this chapter and**_ _ **be sure to remember to leave a review.**_

 _ **Eliminated:** **Duncan, Ezekiel, Harold, Rusty**_


End file.
